Crazy From The Heat

I am not a fan of summer.

Sure, you’ll occasionally find me lounging on the driveway or on the deck baking in the sun because in small amounts it feels good, but by and large, I like to be cool and being cool means chilling inside with the air conditioner on full blast.

And what happens when there is a multi-day New York heat wave and the air conditioner is not running twenty-four hours a day?

I go crazy from the heat!

Now, my family might argue that it is virtually impossible to differentiate between my crazy from the heat howling/snout rubbing and my normal everyday howling/snout rubbing and to that I say...turn the air conditioner back on!

The Student Has Become the Master

Fifteen weeks.  Sister and I have been working together for fifteen weeks now.  And you know what, it’s not over yet.  Week sixteen starts on Monday.

At first, I was Sister’s Administrative Assistant—showing up for work each morning, making sure that she ate her lunch each day, and negotiating the best deals (no one can say no when I show my ruggedly handsome face during a teleconference).  But recently, our relationship has changed a bit.  Yeah, I still show up in as many meetings and conversations as possible and I’m always at her side at lunch time, but lately, I’ve kind of morphed into the boss of our little two-person team.

Inspecting the Cat5

According to Sister, I’m quite a hard boss to work for.  She takes offense at the fact that I am waiting in the office for her to return from lunch each day (you’re a minute late!) and that I glare angrily at her when she wakes me up to go get a drink of water or a handful of pretzels (did I give you permission to take a break?).

And speaking of break time, Ma says that I’m extremely bossy on that subject.  Breaks hinge entirely on my schedule—when I want to go out and when I want to come back in—and I nosily express my displeasure if my wants aren’t met immediately.

What can I say?  I run a tight ship!

Oh, and because I was starting to feel a little frazzled and overwhelmed by all my responsibilities, I've hired a new employee to keep an eye on Sister.  Meet Mr. Squirrel...

Watching Sister

It's My Birthday!

Guess who turned 11 years old today? 

Yours Truly!

Now for the good, the bad, and the dreadful news. 

• The good news:  Because of social isolation, Sister wasn't able to go out and get me an embarrassing hat to wear which pretty much makes this birthday my best birthday yet. 
  
• The bad news:  Because she couldn't get me a hat and felt that I needed something birthday related to pose next to, all those boxes are merely empty props.
• The dreadful news:  Sister did not let me rip up the wrapping paper when she unwrapped the props.
  

But that's not to say that I'm not getting my fair share of birthday love.  I've gotten tons of pets and belly rubs, I got a new chewy toy, I hear there's another present waiting for me in the basement Land of No, and I'm personally rooting for my very own meatball from my family's dinner tonight (hey, a boy only turns 11 once!).

Playing Dirty for the Right to be Dirty

So it finally happened; I got called into HR.  But not for the reasons I would have expected.  I mean, during my first nine weeks as Administrative Assistant, I have made it a twice daily habit of stealing Sister’s shoes and I have purposely invaded her personal space every chance I've gotten.  But no, I got called into HR because I was muddy and smelly and my ears needed cleaning.

Needless to say, I objected strenuously to the accusations.

But despite my complaints, it was ruled that if I was going to continue acting as full time Administrative Assistant to Sister, part time Administrative Assistant to Ma and Pa, and a member in good standing in my family, a bath was required.

As I felt myself spiral into despair because of the ruling, something suddenly dawned on me: all the doggy spas are closed and it's too cold outside for my family to give me a hose-down in the driveway.  So, if my family was truly serious about giving me a bath, they would have to wash me in the bathtub and I knew that there was no way they'd resort to that.  My mood lightened. I wasn't getting a bath anytime soon.

Then the unseasonably cold and rainy spring turned warm and sunny for a single weekend.  Yours truly got hosed down in the middle of the driveway.

Needless to say, I protested vigorously once it was over.

 
I was angry for a really long time.  Most people don’t realize or appreciate how hard I work at becoming nice and stinky—a Grey Retriever rather than a Golden Retriever.  And then, after reaching peak stinkiness, I am jumped by my family armed with a hose and a bottle of shampoo and suddenly I’m all gold and fluffy and smelling like some kind of flower.  The only consolation I found during this entire experience was the fact that social distancing is the norm and no one outside of my family would see me in my newly de-stinked state. 

And because I was angry, I decided to get revenge.

I ditched work on Tuesday.  I did not join Sister in her makeshift office in the Land of No and I did not hang out with Ma in the dining room where she's been working.  Instead, I split my time between the living room and the hallway sighing, moaning, and snoozing.

Now some might say that it was wrong of me to call out sick when I wasn’t and they would be correct.  My actions and motives were less than noble.  But it turns out that my impromptu day off turned out to be exactly what I needed.  Sure, it didn’t help me eliminate that nasty straight from the spa smell (though I did make sure to roll around in the grass every chance I got), but about halfway through the day I realized that I was participating in a mental health day and that that’s something I needed more than all the smelly things in the world to roll in (though obviously I wouldn’t have turned up my nose at them).  It’s a stressful world we’re living in right now, and I’m not immune to it.

The next day, relaxed, rejuvenated, renewed, and a little muddy from wallowing in the grass, I returned to work eager and raring to go.  I beat Sister to the office in the morning, I hung out with her most of the day, and I even offered to work late (Sister told me payroll wouldn’t allow for overtime).  And best of all, I managed to stick my snout into one of Sister’s video conferences.

And the morals of this story:

1. Keep doing what you love.
2. Don’t be ashamed of taking a mental health day.
3. Make sure there’s always something smelly around the house to roll in just in case you're jumped by a family member armed with a hose and a bottle of shampoo.

A Seven Week Study in Administrative Assistant Rigby

Week 1:

Reporting for my first day of work.

Week 2:

Settling into office life with Sister.

Week 3:

If you want to talk to Sister, you have to get through me first.

Week 4:

Break time!

Week 5:

Real estate shopping for a new desk area.

Week 6:

Can I have a raise?

Week 7:

A fluffy towel to snooze on while I invade more and more of Sister's personal space.

 

Week 7:  Behind the Scenes

The look I give Sister when she accidentally drops her phone on me while I'm sleeping.

Defending My Turf

I might be devoting most of my time these days to being the full time Administrative Assistant to Sister and part time Administrative Assistant to Ma and Pa, but that doesn't mean that my responsibilities as Head of Security can be neglected.

Recently, an intruder got a little too close for comfort for me and I had to take matters into my own paws.

It's a dangerous world out there with interlopers just itching to take over when one least expects it.  To that I say, "not on my watch, mourning dove.  Not on my watch!"

Video Conferencing

Monday is my seven-week anniversary as Sister’s Administrative Assistant and I think I’m proving to be a great employee if I do say so myself.  I constantly check in with her, I make sure that she remains unstressed by insisting that she rubs my ears regularly, and I ensure that she has (and shares with me) a proper lunch each day.  Sure, there’s some challenges we’ve had to face—Sister occasionally forgets to drag my desk (pillow) into her office, I’ve missed out on a lot of naps, and Sister has threatened to file a complaint with HR because I keep stealing her shoes—but that happens in all offices, right?

But aside from discovering that I’m an impressive Administrative Assistant, I have also learned something else about myself:  I love video conferencing.

I know.  I know.  Most people hate video conferencing.  They hate being on camera, they hate being recorded, and they hate having to try to look put together when in reality they haven’t worn anything fancier than daytime pajamas in weeks.

But me?  As my loyal readers know, I'm always ready for my closeup.  Sure, my family thinks I'm in need of a bath, but I know that my fur is always luxurious and flowing and looks even better when caked in dirt and covered in grass stains (it adds a level of ruggedness).

I'm also a known ham when it comes to any kind of photography (think of how naturally posing comes to me) and any ham worth his salt knows when the camera starts rolling and I'm no different.  A minute after a video conference begins, I wake up from my nap (I was on break) and, if I’m not already there, make my way to Sister’s make-shift office.  If the door is open, I walk in, but if I discover that the door is closed, I bark my super high pitched bark and refuse to stop until Sister excuses herself from the meeting and opens the door (it’s a reputation thing—if she doesn’t let me in her co-workers will think less of her for letting me bark so piteously).  Once inside the room, I climb over my desk, step on Sister's binders, and force myself between her and her desk.  But despite all this, I'm still out of range of the webcam, so I drape myself as far into Sister’s lap as possible (usually my chin is dripping from a recent drink of water) and lift my snout up in the air.  By doing all this, I can just make my way into the frame.

And oh boy do I know when I’ve succeeded.  Suddenly, all conversation (usually boring since the meeting is rarely about food) ceases and the computer speakers issue forth with a wave of "oohs" and "ahhs."

"Rigby!" I hear.

"Puppy!"

"What a cutie!"

"What's his name?"

"He's so beautiful!"

"Is he a Golden?"

It’s wonderful!  Sure, it would be better if all those admirers were in the room with me, rubbing my belly and scratching my ears, but that wouldn't be the socially responsible thing to do right now.  Sometimes, depending on the conference, Sister even lowers the webcam so that I can appear fully on screen without having to stretch.  Needless to say, that’s when the virtual room explodes.  All I can say is that I’m sure that my cuteness is responsible for countless deals Sister has made over the last month and a half.

Pa and Me

From the sounds of it, I have many more days and weeks as Sister’s Administrative Assistant in front of me, and I can only hope that I have just as many video conferences in my future as well.  But before anyone becomes concerned about me working too hard and stretching myself too thin, please know that I make sure to enjoy the simple things in life every day: I invade Pa’s personal space, I steal Ma’s napkin each night at dinner, I am wildly concerned whenever my family plays Wii Sports (I am not a fan), and I will always consider stealing Sister’s shoes a hobby rather than a job.