Rigby the Thief (AKA Parker)

There’s a story that my family often tells about of my predecessor, a Golden Retriever named Tikka.

Tikka

One morning, while watching Ma make herself a bowl of cereal, Tikka had a sneaky and delicious idea.  As soon as Ma was distracted by her breakfast and newspaper, Tikka hotfooted it into the bathroom where she proceeded to cause a scene by unrolling and shredding the toilet paper.  She knew, however, that in order for her plan to work, she had to get caught, so she made sure to bang her tail (which was always giving her away) extra hard against the bathtub.  As anticipated, at the sound of the echoing bang, bang, bang of a tail hitting the tub, Ma got up and made her way into the bathroom to investigate.  As soon as Ma was in the bathroom and on hands and knees to clean up the mess, Tikka backed out of the room, ran down the hallway, cut through the living room, and entered the dining room where Ma’s half eaten bowl of cereal was waiting unprotected.  Rising up on her hind legs and putting her front paws on the table, Tikka helped herself to the mushy meal.  When Ma returned to her breakfast and found Tikka eating it, she was hopping mad.  Shooing her away, Ma grabbed her bowl, threw it in the sink, and made herself a new one.

Tikka (left) and Bobo

The next morning, feeling peckish and having developed a taste for cereal, Tikka decided to try her paw again at stealing herself a bowl.  Once Ma was seated, Tikka hurried into the bathroom and started unraveling the toilet paper while enthusiastically banging her tail on the tub.  Right on schedule, Ma showed up to investigate, at which point Tikka ran out of the bathroom, through the house, and into the dining room where she helped herself to Ma’s breakfast.  Moments later, Ma returned, shooed Tikka away, threw out the slobbery remains, and made herself a new bowl.

Tikka Speaking

Tikka and Ma did this song and dance every day for five days.

On the sixth day, after shooing Tikka away from her bowl, Ma decided not to bother making herself a new breakfast.  Instead, she just sat down and ate what Tikka left behind, slobber and all.  The game no longer fun, Tikka never again stole Ma’s breakfast.

Now, I never had the pleasure of meeting Tikka, but I must admit that I admire her spunk.  I’ve never been much of a toilet paper dog, but her system was ingenious.

Like Tikka, I am a thief...a skilled and persistent thief.  And while Tikka’s endgame was a bowl of cereal with an assist by toilet paper, my prize is napkins.

During meals, I case the table from below looking for an opportunity to steal napkins, or more specifically, steal Ma’s napkin.  She can change seats and she can be consciously aware of where her napkin is in relation to my snapping jaws, but I’m always there and ready to pounce as soon as the moment presents itself.

And I have numerous techniques.  Here are just a few: 

• The Stroll By:  While sauntering by nonchalantly (extra points if you can make it look like you’re interested in something else), reach over and grab the napkin.
• The Shark:  From the depths of nowhere, suddenly breech the surface and grab the napkin (extra points if bystanders can hear the snap of your jaws). 
• The Distraction:  Grab a toy and lay on the floor under the table.  Make it look like you’re planning on plucking the toy.  After being warned not to pluck, drop the toy, stretch your neck, and grab, from your prone position, the napkin using your front teeth. 
• The Sleepwalker:  Pretend to be sleeping then, when no one is suspecting, crane your neck up and swipe the napkin without ever getting up. 
• The Sideways Monkey-Eye Snatch:  Scoot up alongside the chair, turn your head sideways so that those above only see the whites of your eye (monkey eye), and start snapping, sideways and parallel to the person’s lap, until you make contact with the napkin. 

Sometimes Ma is on her game and able to quickly snatch the napkin from my snapping white jaws of death.  More times than not, however, I’m faster than her and we quickly enter a phase where I frantically shred the napkin while Ma drops to the floor, crawls under the table, and tries to pry bits of saturated paper from my drooly jowls.  And oh boy is she annoyed while she picks bits of napkin from my mouth—muttering under her breath the whole time.  And listening to Pa and Sister above snickering adds to the fun of the entire situation.

National Recognition

 

 

Happy National

Golden Retriever

Day!

 

~ February 3 ~

 

(a day truly worth celebrating)

Christmas Roundup 2021

Here's where it ended...

Me completely and totally exhausted after two fun filled days of new toys, tasty food, and lots of ear rubs.

In other words, Christmas 2021 was highly successful.

Here are some highlights from the holiday:

On Christmas Eve, I opened up gifts from my friend Gina and her pups Baci and Rocky.  They got me a pretty Christmas tree ornament with my name on it (Sister assured me that, despite looking delicious, the ornament was not edible...I'm still not sure I believe her) and a bag of snacks which I insisted on sampling immediately.

 

On Christmas morning, my family and I opened gifts which resulted in me:

 

Shredding a ton of wrapping paper,

 

accidentally consuming some wrapping paper,

 

 

and destroying one box.

 

When I wasn't "playing" with the boxes, I played with my own gifts:

A stuffed cow from my friend Jim and his pup Dixie,

a stuffed fox from Pa and Ma,

and a stuffed prehistoric turtle-like-creature from Sister.

Later, I even appeased Sister by agreeing to a quick picture with her in front of the tree (which actually turned out pretty good).

So yes, by the end of the day, I was completely and totally spent.  But it was so much fun!

Merry Christmas, 2021

 

Wishing you a very
Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

 

Rigby the Grifter (AKA Sophie)

I’m not proud of it, but then again, I’m not ashamed either.

Throughout the years I’ve learned how to play my family to my benefit in many situations.  I’ve trained them to give me cookies for simply coming inside the house.  I’ve trained them to give me PB&Ks to ensure a few moments of silent television watching.  I’ve even trained my family to provide me options when it comes to toys so that I can dismiss those I don’t want.  My latest long con, however, is pure brilliance and Sister is the mark. 

Lately, Sister has opted to stay home most weekends when Pa, Ma, and I head out to eastern Long Island.  This decision impacts me both positively and negatively.  On the positive side, I don’t have to share the backseat of the car with Sister (she’s under the delusion that she deserves more than one eighth of the available space back there).  On the negative side, when she’s not around, there’s one less set of hands to scratch my belly and rub my ears and one less voice to repeatedly tell me what a good boy I am.  Also, without Sister, there’s only two people to give me cookies throughout the day which is troubling because Ma and Pa tend to be a bit stingy on that front.

So, with all these negatives outstripping the positives, I’ve dedicated myself to leveling the playing field when I can and I’ve done so in the sneakiest of ways.

Two months ago, while I was out east for the weekend, Sister, as a surprise, went to the store and bought me a brand new toy which she left on my spot on the living room couch.  When I got home that Sunday, Sister watched with delight and mockery as I wandered around for a good five minutes before discovering my prize.

The next week, hoping for another opportunity to mock my supposed “obliviousness,” Sister once again bought me a new toy and left it on my spot.  This time, it only took me three minutes to find it.

The following week, Sister didn’t go to the toy store, but she did repair all the toys in the doll hospital which meant that I came home to the scarred and sometimes considerably smaller (Sister specializes in amputations) remains of my previously broken toys sitting on the couch waiting for me to rip to shreds again (which I did…five of them were back in the doll hospital before the end of the day).

On week four, I made a bee-line straight to my spot on the couch immediately upon entering the house.  To my horror, however, I found nothing.  No new toy and no crowd of mangled sting rays and dinosaurs and ducks and Mini-Meckis and gators and hedgehogs.  I was crushed!  Why was there no new toy?  My obvious disappointment (and Ma and Pa’s ribbing) helped to make Sister feel extremely guilty for this faux pas.

It was at that moment that I knew that my long con had worked.  There was no way that Sister would let another weekend go by without ensuring that a new toy would be waiting for me upon my return.

Seven days later, week five arrived and not only did I rush toward the house as soon as I got out of the car, but I basically pushed Sister out of the way as I ran through the kitchen and into the living room.

And there it was, my latest new toy, sitting in my spot on the couch.  His name is “Koala” and I can’t wait to see what friend the next Sister-free weekend brings.

Thanksgiving 2021

Wishing all my friends, family, and fans a very

 

Happy and Healthy Thanksgiving!

 

May the ear scratches from family always hit the spot and may the table scraps be plentiful.

 

Camping

Sister and I went camping last weekend. 

Okay, we went glamping. 

Fine, we slept on the floor in the living room for two nights. 

Camping during TS Ida

No matter what you call it, I love it.  Throughout the years, I’ve had many camping excursions.  When I’m not feeling well, Ma usually sits up with me in the living room.  When Sister isn’t feeling well, she’s been known to relocate to her chair to spend the night.  And when there’s a scary wind storm going through the area, Sister’s always quick to head to lower ground (and away from the giant oak that used to live right outside her window). 

So why did we camp out this weekend?  Well, Sister and I were home alone together and rather than drag me upstairs to her bedroom and devise a way of keeping me on the second floor when I normally sleep on the first, Sister thought it would be a heck of a lot easier and fun if we just camped out on the living room floor.  She was right on all counts. 

On the first night of our camping trip, I settled down next to Sister and I fell asleep while she scratched my side.  I woke up only once that night when Sister poked me because I was dreaming and kicking her in my sleep.  On the second night, however, I decided that I wanted upgrade my sleeping accommodations.  So, as soon as Sister made up her bed on the floor, I...well...took over. 

A Bedtime Upgrade

Needless to say, Sister was less than pleased with my decision to upgrade my bed, but what was she going to do?  I had, upon settling down, immediately gone into my floppy dead weight mode—a state in which I cannot be physically moved.  So Sister spent the first part of the night in her chair and only regained her bed after I, feeling a little overheated, moved on to the cold wood floor to sleep.  I’ve never seen Sister move so quickly in my life.