Well, That Backfired

"Maybe next time they'll think twice about cleaning my ears!"

Yeah, perhaps I spoke a little too soon.  You see, after expressing my displeasure at having my ears cleaned by digging a spectacularly large hole in the middle of the grass and dragging my head through the mud, Ma and Pa got back at me yesterday by giving me a bath.  Talk about over-reacting!

Sister (who wishes to be exonerated from all guilt because, she argues, she was not at home for either event) has spent the day trying to make me feel better.  She's reminded me that my ears no longer smell like the stinky liquid Ma and Pa used to clean them.  Personally, I don't find this comforting.  You see, now my entire body smells, as my family has repeatedly reminded me, "like a rose."  Sister has also brought to my attention that now that I'm all nice and clean and fluffy, my striking good looks and model like physique have been accentuated.  Well, what can I say?  She's got me there.

The Cute Puppy Look

The Deep Soulful Look

So, I leave my loyal readers with the one good thing that came from all the suffering I've endured over the last few days:  a photo-shoot!

The Wind Blown Look

The Hole

I don't like having my ears cleaned.

Wait, allow me to expand on that thought:  I really, really don't like having my ears cleaned.

Think about it from my perspective!  There you are, lying quietly on the floor dreaming about chasing bunnies, and lizards, and squirrels, when all of a sudden, someone jumps on you, pours a stinky liquid in your ears, sloshes it around, then starts fishing gunk out with a cotton ball (sorry for the graphic nature of this description, but the truth had to be told).  And, if that wasn't bad enough, the person cleaning your ears is seemingly oblivious to the fact that you are shaking like a leaf and thinks that half of a slice of American cheese is compensation enough for all the pain and suffering you've endured.  But it gets worse!  The final sentence uttered is always "See, that wasn't so bad."  Yeah, it kind of was!

Well, a couple of days ago I had the misfortune of having my ears cleaned.  It was everything I expected:  it was dreadful!  But, while I dragged my head along the living room floor howling in protest of what had just happened to me, it occurred to me that my yelps were falling on deaf ears.  In fact, I realized that they had been for quite a long while now.  I decided right then and there that it was time to ramp up my displays of displeasure.  For people to notice that I was annoyed, I was going to have to go big.

My opportunity came a little while later when I was let outside to do one last check of the perimeters for the evening.  All by myself in the dark, I allowed my scheming mind to wonder, and, after a surprisingly short amount of time (what can I say, I'm good at what I do), I came up with the perfect way to show my displeasure at having my ears cleaned.

Quietly I slunk to the side of the property--to the grassy patch right outside the side door.  True, it was risky to be mischievous so close to the house, but the location of my crime was just far enough away from the side door to avoid being lit by the gleaming porch light.  I took one last cautionary look over my shoulder at the door, then began digging furiously.

The grass came up easy, as did the dirt.  In no time at all I had created an impressive hole; a hole which I immediately plowed my head into and rubbed my stinky liquid filled ears against.

By the time Ma and Pa found me, my head was complete caked in mud.

Maybe next time they'll think twice about cleaning my ears!

Water Is So Bland

Water has a tendency to get a bit boring.  Think about it from my perspective.  Every time I stick my snout down into my bowl, I am faced with the same flavorless liquid I saw the day before and every day for as far back as I can remember (don't worry, it's not the same water--that gets changed out multiple times a day--it's just always water).  How boring is that?  I mean, yeah, occasionally the water in my bowl is spiked with dirt and blades of grass, but I have to add those myself and, frankly, they don't really give it much flavor. 

Now, I know that the humans have many different kinds of drinks (I know this because I've casually stuck my snout in quite a few glasses in my day).  There's ice tea, milk, juice, soda, and coffee to name only a few.  But what does the dog always get?  Water.  It just isn't fair.

Well, this morning I decided to take matters into my own paws.  I had just finished eating my breakfast and was feeling nice and full and feisty (I have a long history of being a little too exuberant after eating--now a days I wipe my snout on the furniture and howl, when I was a pup I'd jump and nip at whoever was in the house with me).  With energy to kill, I decided to circle the first floor of the house in search of trouble.  Taking note of a couple of potential trouble-making activities (one mustn't peak out too soon and blow through all the troublesome things one can do for the entire day in one single sitting), I returned to the dining room to see if my food bowl had magically refilled itself (it never does, but I'm always hopeful).

It was then that I noticed it; something sitting in the corner of the dining room, peeking out from behind Sister's work bag.  It was a shiny green one liter bottle of lime seltzer water.  "That looks good" I thought, my mouth watering at the thought of the fizzy bubbles and limy taste.

Stealthfully, I scurried over to the bottle and nudged Sister's bag off to the side. Careful not to knock the bottle over with my snout (the noise would distract Pa from his breakfast and clue him in on my actions), I grabbed the bottle by its neck and hurried into the living room unnoticed.

"The bottle is mine!" I thought gleefully.  Finally, I would have a refreshing beverage that was not water!

But my victory was short-lived; very short-lived.  So short lived, in fact, that I never got a taste of the bubbly liquid.  You see, I accidentally dropped the bottle on the ground once I was in the living room and the resulting thud alerted Pa to my mischievousness and sent him hurrying into the room to investigate.

Crestfallen, I slunk back into the dining room and got a boring drink of water from my bowl.  It's just not fair!

A Guest Blogger: Ralphie

I had a bit of a scare this weekend.  For a brief second, I thought that my family was auditioning other Golden Retrievers for my spot in the family.

You see, I spent a peaceful weekend out east with Ma and Pa, but when I returned to our house on Sunday afternoon I was greeted by Sister and another dog!  I won’t lie, at first I was horrified.  But then I realized that it wasn’t some strange dog at all.  It was my friend Ralphie who had spent the weekend with my Sister while his human Sister got married.

Upon realizing that my place in the family was secure, I was relaxed enough to begin enjoying Ralphie’s company.  We checked out the backyard together and Ralphie tried to teach me some pointers in playing with a tennis ball (yeah, I still don’t get it).  Then we raced inside the house, turned around, and raced back out again (I tried to scoot under Ralphie as we came down the side steps…not the smartest idea on my part).  Next we took turns trying to muscle each other out of the way to collect the most pets from Pa, Ma, and Sister.

The fun was short lived, however, because Ralphie’s Mom came over to take him home (of course, we spent some time trying to muscle all the pets from her as well).

Before he left to go home, Ralphie asked if he could share all the fun stuff he did over the weekend with my readers as a guest blogger.  With a wag of my tail, I whole-heartedly agreed that he should.

So, without further delay…

Ralphie’s Awesome Adventure 

By Ralphie

There has been a lot of hustle and bustle around my house lately and it is all because my Sister Laura was getting married.  Yay Laura!

Saturday was the big day and Mom told me that I was going to spend the day at my friend Rigby’s house so that I wouldn’t be lonely.  “Oh boy!  That sounds like fun!” I thought.  Then she said that Rigby might not be home, but that his Sister would hang out with me.  “Yay! More pets for me!”

Mom packed my overnight bag and escorted me to the car.  Then we drove a couple of blocks away, got out, and I dragged Mom toward Rigby’s house (I’d never been there before, but his Sister was standing in the door and I’ve visited her at the Library many times).

Baby

I was beyond excited when I stepped foot in the house.  Rigby’s Sister was there and the entire place smelled like Rigby.  I ran through the living room sniffing the floor, the dog pillow, and the plants.  Next, I ran into the dining room, scurried around the table, and stuffed my nose in the empty water bowl.  I turned to head back into the living room where Mom and Rigby's Sister were talking, but stopped short when I saw a small plush toy lying by the table leg.  "Yay!" I thought as I picked up Baby and bounded into the living room vocalizing to show off to Mom and Rigby's Sister.

Then Mom left.  I was very sad to see her go, but I reminded myself that I was in a fun new place and that Rigby's Sister was a sucker for dogs that like having their heads rubbed (and I just so happen to be a dog that loves to have his head rubbed). 

The rest of the day was a whirlwind of fun!  I...

Watching TV

• ...broke into the "Land of No" (a fun adventure).
• ...watched the Diving Dog Competition on TV (I was rooting for the Golden Retriever of course).
• ...met Rigby's Aunt B (a nice lady who was quite impressed with my happy-go-lucky personality).
• ...chewed on a tennis ball (Rigby collects them at the park...sounds like a good idea--I should ask Mom if I can start a collection).
• ...bunked noses and ran up and down the length of the fence

  

  Saying "Hi" to Honey

  with Honey, the Yellow Lab who lives next door (I showed off by barking with two tennis balls in my mouth).
• ...had many hours of quality ear scratches including a twenty minute belly rubbing session (I heard Sister say that she's amazed that my family gets anything done during the day because I only had to look up at her with my big brown eyes to make her drop everything and rub my ears).

By night time I was completely exhausted, but Rigby's Sister was still wide awake (though she did say that she was developing cramps in her hands from petting me--she assured me that she would feel better by morning).  When she finally did decide to go to bed, she declared that if I was camping out so should she.  "That [yawn] sounds like fun [yawn]!" I thought.  So that evening, Rigby's Sister and I camped out on the living room couch and floor respectively.

Rigby's Sister and I woke up bright and early the next morning.  "You're going home today!" she told me as she cooked my breakfast.  "Yay!  Mom's coming back and I get to eat my breakfast!  How can today get any better?!" I thought.  A little while later (after a quick nap--Rigby's Sister is not a morning person) Rigby's Sister and I went outside and I got to play with Honey again and meet Rigby's other neighbor who at first mistook me for Rigby himself.

Me and a Tennis Ball

A little while after lunch (Rigby's Sister ate lunch...I got a tasty treat that Mom had packed in my overnight bag) I heard a rustling outside.  Rigby's Sister opened the door and when I rushed outside I found Rigby, his Mom, and his Dad waiting to greet me!  Yay!  Rigby and I ran around and showed off our play stances, then Rigby's Mom gave me a scratch on the head and allowed me to lean on her leg, and Rigby's Dad patted me on my side and told Rigby that he should take notes on how to be a ball dog (I was vocalizing with a tennis ball in my mouth at the time).  Then Mom arrived and the party got even better!

What a great 24 hours!

BBQ

Yesterday was an awesome day.  Yesterday I was invited to my very first BBQ/playdate.

My adventure started off with me refusing to get into Sister's car.  There was really no reason why I didn't want to cooperate.  I guess I just wanted to be difficult.  Anyway, after much pleading, a few belly rubs, and some assistance from Pa, I jumped into the car and set myself down directly behind Sister and proceeded to drool and pant loudly in her ear while she drove away.

Just when I was starting to run out of drool (yes, it can happen), Sister pulled over, got out of the car, and let me out as well.  As soon as my feet touched the ground I started looking around for familiar sights, but I saw nothing that I recognized.  Then, all of a sudden, I heard it:  the sharp bark of my bff Mecki.  I was at Mecki's house!  Dragging Sister and all of her bags behind me (Sister just can't seem to pack lightly), I bolted toward Mecki's backyard.

Once behind the gate I:

Snout to Snout with Mecki

• Ran around like a crazy dog chasing and being chased by Mecki.
• Ate about half of the cookie that Karin gave me (Mecki came by later to eat the pieces I left behind).
• Stuck my snout in a bucket of water in search of Karin's fish, Mr. Freckles (he was shy and didn't say hello to me).
• Snacked on some grass.
• Wet on Karin's cucumber plant.

Just as I was starting to get worn out (Mecki has unlimited energy...I honestly don't think he ever gets tired), I heard a noise coming from the gate.  It was Joan, the lady known for carrying around baby carrots for good little puppies.  After collecting a sufficient amount of pets from Joan, Mecki and I spent a good ten minutes mooching carrots from her (I slobbered on her in thanks).  I like Joan a lot, and not just because she gave me carrots; she also repeatedly complemented me on my gorgeous eyelashes (it is always nice when someone notices and comments on your devilishly good looks).

Mecki Wants to Play...I Want to Nap

The rest of the evening consisted of Mecki and I barking hysterically at the neighbors (both of the two and four legged varieties) while Karin, Joan, Mecki's dad Andre, and my Sister tried to have a conversation.  Then Mecki and I chased each other around the backyard for a time.  Eventually, I got tired, but Mecki didn't, so I had to give him a few good paws across the side of the head to make him stop (he didn't get the hint).

Now, I've debated long and hard on whether or not I should tell you, my loyal readers, the next part of my adventure.  You see, it was really kind of alarming and embarrassing.  When it first happened, I immediately thought that I should simply pretend that it never occurred.  In the hours since, however, I've decided that I should tell my story so that other dogs might learn from my mistake.

Well, here it goes:

It was time to go home and Karin and Mecki walked Sister and I out to the car.  Sister opened the door and gave me the command "up and in."  Like earlier, I refused to get into the car and flopped down like an 80lb rag doll (I witnessed Mecki do the same thing a few minutes earlier...he's quite good at it) and rolled over to show my belly.  Sister begged and pleaded with me to get up then tried enticing me into the car with cookies, but I refused to budge.  After about ten minutes, Sister managed to trick me into standing and lifted my front end up in an attempt to "walk" me into the car.  This I found disturbing, but what was to come was even worse.  Suddenly, my back legs left the ground too; Karin had picked me up by my back end (and I thought you were cool, Karin).  So, in short, Sister and Karin pick me up and, together, tossed me into the back seat of the car before slamming the door behind me.  Sheepishly, I stretched out on the seat and slept the entire way home (truth be told, I was kind of hoping that that last part was a dream...turns out it wasn't).  So the moral of this story:  When Sister says get in the car...get in the car.

Keeping an Eye on Mecki

It goes without saying that I slept very well last night (Mecki, on the other hand according to Karin, was not at all sleepy).

The Puppy Files: My Overly Toothy Grin

Welcome to the fourth installment of The Puppy Files--the series where I recount stories from before I had my very own blog.  Today's topic:  my pearly white teeth.

Showing Off My Baby Teeth

As I've mentioned before, I was a very nippy little puppy.  I chewed on hands, I chewed on clothing (Pa still has a shirt that I put a hole in during one of my temper tantrums), I chewed on shoes, and I chewed on other inanimate items.  Basically, if I could get my mouth around it, I'd chew on it.  And boy was I a good chewer!  I had sharp needle like teeth and was not afraid to use them.  It was great (though my family would likely tell you otherwise).

But then, a really disturbing thing happened:  all my teeth started falling out.  There I'd be happily playing with one of my toys or gnawing on Sister's hand and POP! a baby tooth would just fall right out of my mouth and onto the floor (Sister collected these teeth--she keeps them in a little metal tin).  But not all of my teeth fell out this way.  Nope, I ended up swallowing most of them while I innocently ate my kibble or my daily Milkbone dog biscuit.  I know, how gross!

My Mouth Hurts!

Of course, once a tooth was ejected, a new one would start growing in and that was a particularly painful process.  My family tried to help me:  they bought me Chilly Bones (bone shaped cloth toys that were soaked in water and frozen) and didn't yell at me when I commandeered some other piece of fabric to gum piteously (that's how painful teething was for me--I couldn't even enjoy being bad!).

Finally, after days of pain and bleeding gums, my adult teeth finally grew in and I was pleased to discover that they were about five times larger than the teeth they replaced.  Seemingly overnight, I went from being a little puppy with a little mouth filled with razor sharp tiny teeth and a bad attitude to a little puppy with a little mouth filled with giant gnashing teeth and a bad attitude.  My family was horrified:  I was all teeth!  They were so concerned with this latest development that the next time I visited the vet, Pa asked him if I had more teeth than I was supposed to (the vet just sort of chuckled and assured Pa that I had all the teeth I was supposed to have).

Check Out Those Pearly Whites!

It wasn't until months later that my head and jaws finally grew in enough to match the size of my teeth.  Now I'm a handsome dog with sparkling white teeth and an award winning personality.

A Noisy Intruder

There are some dangerous things lurking the streets looking to infiltrate an unsuspecting dog's home security system.  Why is this?  It is because certain dogs do not take their role as Head of Security as seriously as they should.  Well have no fear, Rigby is here and I take my household security chores very seriously.

Early this evening, I heard a loud rumbling outside my house.  As is customary, I gave a low warning bark at the noise (after which, as is also customary, Pa told me to stop barking) then I put my head down and resumed my after dinner-before nighttime nap (after all, a warning bark is usually more than enough to scare away any potentially scary things lurking inside or outside the house).

A couple of hours later, Ma took me outside for my final business trip of the evening.  It was then that I saw it:  the large menacing and noisy intruder from before trying, unsuccessfully, to blend in with the environment right outside the neighbor's house.

So what did I do?  I sounded the alarm, of course.  I ran to the front gate and started barking as loud as I possibly could.

I guess I really frightened the intruder because he just stood there while I barked with a deer in the headlight look on his face.  After thirty seconds or so of menacing barking, Ma, feeling bad for the intruder, convinced me that I should go inside and leave him alone (she also promised me a cookie for being such a brave boy).

But before Ma locked the door behind us to ensure that the intruder did not try to follow us inside the house, Sister snuck outside to get a picture of him.  It's a little blurry, but I believe it successfully depicts the intruder's menacing nature.

The Noisy Intruder

So please, my four legged friends, do not shirk your Head of Security duties.  You never know what can be lurking outside your house.