Allow me to set the scene. It was a pleasantly cool sunny day in late September and I was taking full advantage of the weather by napping on the deck out east. With homeland security always foremost in my mind, I purposely positioned myself so that I was facing out toward the street, ready to pounce should an intruder attack. To the untrained eye, I might have appeared to be sleeping, but it was all a ruse. I was a coiled spring ready to defend my turf at a moment’s notice.
So ready was I that, a few minutes later, from what appeared to be a dead sleep, I was awakened by the smell of squirrel on the wind. Snout in the air, I successfully tracked the furry little interloper across the deck and into the backyard.
But when I came back up onto the deck after showing the squirrel the door, Ma, who was also taking part in deck-time, was laughing at me. It was only later, when Ma was talking to Pa, that I learned why she was laughing. Apparently, there had been a massive breach in security.
Here’s what Ma saw:
Ma was sitting on the deck, reading her book, and, not far out in front of her, I was snoozing. Suddenly, Ma heard a scuttling sound of tiny paws coming up from behind her. She looked up from her book just in time to see a squirrel come strolling out from under her chair. In disbelief, Ma watched as the squirrel continued walking forward and right past me acting, for all the world, like I wasn’t even there. I, meanwhile, continued to snooze totally undisturbed.
A second later, Ma witnessed a second squirrel come scuttling up onto the porch and come to a halt besides her. Ma watched in disbelief as the squirrel just stood there, completely oblivious of her and me. Concerned that this entire event could end poorly, Ma moved her leg as a way of alerting the squirrel to the fact that he was not alone on the porch. It was a good thing that she did because, based on the startled jump it did straight into the air, the squirrel wasn’t even remotely aware that he wasn’t alone. I, meanwhile, continued snoozing. After a moment, the squirrel regained his composure, did a reverse face, and hightailed it into the backyard.
It was shortly thereafter that I was awakened by the smell of squirrel on the wind. Snout in the air, I successfully tracked the furry little interloper across the deck and into the backyard.
Needless to say, this entire event highlighted an extreme lapse in my security system and proved to be beyond embarrassing for me personally. A full inquiry into the events of that cool sunny day will commence shortly.
