Christmas Roundup 2020

O Christmas Tree

It cannot be said that this Christmas was like all the others that came before. It was very different, fewer visitors and fewer carefree days leading up to it (hey, I’m a working dog now). But, in the end, it was the Christmas that we needed and boy did we take advantage of it.  

Christmas morning started with a reminder that it was not a work day. You see, I take my Administrative Assistant job very seriously and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I lost track of the days and ended up shooting Sister a very dirty look when she didn’t report to work at 8:30am as usual. However, after being shown the pile of presents left under the tree, I quickly changed my tune, left work behind, and proceeded to stick my snout into each and every bag and lick all the packages. 

Now, it’s a well-known fact that I get very excited when it comes to opening presents. I mean, it’s really an activity that is totally up my ally—you get to rip up paper into teeny tiny little pieces (and if you happen to accidentally swallow any of it, all the better)! It’s basically encouraged wrapping paper carnage! Of course, what isn’t encouraged is opening up presents that don’t belong to you. 

Not My Present-2012

Yeah, I have a history. 

Anyway, in years past, my family has tried everything to occupy me during the opening of presents so that the rightful owner of the present can actually open it themselves. Sometimes, they put me on the leash (I show my displeasure by chewing on the chain which drives Sister crazy). Other times, they’ve given me a PB&K. Occupying me with new toys is always a welcome tactic and my family has even tried to carefully unwrap their gifts so that there is little to no crinkling to pique my interest. Nothing really works that well, but this year, my family decided to try a combination approach. 

Me and My Dino

First, I got my presents: a plush dinosaur from Sister, a plush Tasmanian Devil and Marvin the Martian from Jim and Dixie (I gnawed off the Tasmanian Devil’s ear), and a new bagel squeaky toy from Ma and Pa (I killed the squeaker). 

Little did I or my family know that four new toys in quick succession is my breaking point; it’s when I reach overload. And boy did I ever. Suddenly, I jumped up and stood in the middle of the room with my head up in the air barking at the crown molding on the ceiling. Nothing my family could say or do could bring me out of it. I just kept barking and barking and barking like a dog possessed. All of a sudden, however, I felt a grumbling in my belly and a giant burp escaped my lips. 

Feeling better, I stopped barking. 

It was at this point that Ma suggested that maybe a PB&K would make me feel better. I scurried after her into the kitchen, collected my PB&K, and settled down while my family finished unwrapping their gifts. 

Me and My Tasmanian Devil

Once the PB&K was done, I curled up for a long nap waking up only long enough to change positions (from the couch to my pillow to the cool kitchen floor and back to the couch again), beg for any treat my family ate, and check the backyard perimeter for pumpkin left behind by the squirrels. 

Note: The neighbors in the yard behind me have been feeding the squirrels pumpkin for the last three weeks. Every time they drop a piece or leave it hidden behind the tree, I scoff it up. I think, at this point, I’ve consumed about five pounds of pumpkin (and given how fat the squirrels have gotten over the last three weeks, I’m hoping to be able to catch one come January). 

In other words, it was a very successful Christmas. 

All is Calm

On a personal note...

I just want to take a moment to let my fans know that I’m going to be going in for a bit of surgery on Monday morning. I have a growth on my left bottom eyelid which needs to be removed, a tag on my chin, and a hematoma right ear. I imagine I’m going to be a bit of a shaved mess when I get out, but it will be nice not to have my eye and ear bother me any longer. 

Wish me luck!

Christmas Greetings 2020

 

Wishing all my 

friends, 

family, 

and readers 

a very  

Merry Christmas!

Waiting for Santa is Exhausting!

Snowstorms and Video Conferences

I love the snow.  Nothing beats dig-dig-digging in Mount Puppy (a pile of snow Pa builds me from what he collects in the driveway), guffawing through the snowbanks (and occasionally face-planting when it suddenly gets deep), making dog angels in the grass, and skidding down the icy driveway.  It’s been a while since it last snowed any significant amount which is why I was super excited when I found out that it had snowed the night before.

Here’s some pictures from my snow day (while wearing some of my fashionable coats and sweaters).

 

 

But the fun didn’t end there.  Sister had her company Holiday Party Video Conference later in the afternoon and I, the self-appointed “Employee of the Year” for my excellence in Administrative Assistance, got to appear on camera.  And this wasn’t some quick photo-bomb.  No, sir.  Sister actually put the computer down on the floor and sat next to me so I could be in full view of the webcam.  Needless to say, her co-workers were in awe of how devilishly handsome I am.

I Think I'm on Mute

Communicating

My family says I’m bossy.  I disagree.  I’m simply a dog who knows exactly what he wants and is committed to getting it. 

And besides, what my family calls being bossy is actually just me communicating with them.  We don’t naturally speak the same language, my family and I.  They rely on words (and I’ve learned quite a few from sit, down, paw, and eights to squirrel, cookie, walk and focus (sometimes I get distracted when I go out to do business and my family has to remind me to focus on the task at hand)).  I, however, rely on barks, whines, and looks to get my points across.  The way I see it, both sides are talking, we’re just talking in different languages and making do as best we can.  They might sometimes find my way of communicating annoying, but do you have any idea how many times a day I have to hear them say the word 'sit'?  It gets old…quick. 

So that’s my opinion and my family's.  Now it’s your turn, my loyal readers.  Am I bossy or am I simply communicating my wants and needs?  Feel free to use the following as a guide.

Toys:

I want a toy!

There are everyday toys and then there are special toys.  Everyday toys are dull to play with, but good for greeting someone at the door with.  Everyday toys live throughout the house, scattered under tables, beneath chairs, in the middle of the room, and on stair treads.  Special toys, however, are fun to play with (and even more fun to rip to shreds) and generally live in closed off closets and rooms awaiting a special request.  I know where all those closed off closets are and when I want a toy, I ask my family by parking myself outside the door and barking hysterically.  If my family wants to hear the television, they pretty much have to give me a toy.

Bedtime:

When I’m ready to go to bed, I’m ready to go to bed and, what’s more, it is my firm belief that when I go to bed, everyone should go to bed.  Why?  Two reasons:

1. If I go to bed and my family remains awake, someone might decide to snack without me which is beyond rude. 
2. When everyone else finally decides to pack it in, they might assume that I’m not awake and waiting for my goodnight treat.  They would assume incorrectly. 

So what’s a dog like me supposed to do when he’s ready to go to bed and no one else is? 

I start with a combination of physical and vocal cues: I stalk into the bedroom, throw myself down on my pillow, and issue an exaggerated sigh.  Then I wait for my message to really penetrate my family's brains.  While I wait, I snooze--why waste the time?  This step usually lasts for about a half hour.

If, when I wake, my family still hasn’t called it a night, I up the ante and move to a more visible spot: the threshold of the doorway between Ma and Pa’s room and the hallway.  With my snout peeking out of the door, I give my family in the living room a distant side eye (when I'm not snoozing again) to encourage them to move along.

I'm watching you!

Now let’s say my family still does not submit to my demands.  If that’s the case, I get up, drag myself into the hallway, and shoot them the dirtiest look I can muster.

Staring someone down

Going through all these steps might result in my family laughing at me or saying that they are going to ignore me, but I know from experience that it is nearly impossible to ignore me when I give them that final “look.”  It’s only a matter of time before everyone starts fidgeting uncomfortably and eventually get up and head to bed.  Family 0—Rigby 1.

Go to Work:

Part of my job as Sister’s Administrative Assistant is that I am in charge of keeping a careful eye on the time clock.  If Sister is so much as a minute late coming back from lunch, I set myself up in her office and give her one of my disdainful looks.  Needless to say, she always comes running (though she’s usually muttering something about her being Bob Cratchit to my Ebenezer Scrooge).

Walks:

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve actually started to enjoy walks.  I mean, for the longest time I hated walks.  I hated being told to walk nice on a leash or, even worse, having to wear the snout guard.  And those punishment walks my family used to take me on (long walks designed to tire me out when I was becoming incorrigible)?  They were definitely not my idea of a good time.  But now, I actually demand walks whenever I’m out east.

Usually, when I want to go for a walk, I get all excited and start pacing the room.  That frantic energy doubles if my family shows even the slightest sign of daring to leave the house without me.  Sometimes, however, I have to take it a step further.  Here’s what I did a few weekends ago to express my excitement about going for a walk:

1. Barked frantically
2. Sneezed repeatedly
3. Retched loudly
   

Luckily, Ma got the message before I actually lost my breakfast.