Standing Up For What's Mine

Don't get me wrong.  I know that I'm a very fortunate pup.  I have a loving family who sees to my every need.  I get two meals a day plus all the food I can grub.  I have a warm place to sleep and I have even worn down the powers that be to gain a permanent spot on the couch (which was a long hard fought fight).  But despite that, sometimes I just can't help but feel that I don't always get my fair share.  When we drive out east, Sister takes up way too much of the backseat.  My friend Bastille gets nearly as much or more kibble (depending on whether or not he eats his brother Mecki's kibble too) than I do each day and he's about 50 pounds lighter than me.  Then there is cheese.  When one of my humans has a piece of cheese, they take 7/8th of the slice while I must attempt to savor a measly 1/8th.

I'm a firm believer, however, that if you don't speak up and make your concerns known, then nothing will ever get better.  That's why I recently decided to put my foot down and insist on what was rightfully mine:  I decided to fight for a larger piece of the couch.

It was late in the afternoon and my family and I were hanging out, watching TV, and trying to squeeze in a quick nap before dinner.  Sister was in her chair, Pa was in his, and Ma was sitting at the far end of the couch.  I, meanwhile, was hunkered down on my end of the couch with my head draped over a decorative pillow (the sheet that protects my end of the couch from fur, dirt, and "black drool" was also covering the pillow--I have always found it a tad insulting that I have to have a protective covering on my end of the couch while the humans don't, but I'm willing to overlook it so long as I can sleep on the couch without being hollered at to move).  Now, Ma might dispute this (she'd, of course, be lying), but I have discovered over the years that Ma is a notorious couch hog.  She starts off occupying a generous 1/3rd of the couch, but eventually stretches her legs out into my territory.  So, while I might fall asleep stretched out in my 2/3rds of the couch, I will wake up to discover that suddenly I'm sharing my pillow with her knees and her calves are beginning to resemble bumpers along the outer length of the couch.  So anyway, instinctively feeling a bit cramped, I woke up from a particularly nice dream to discover that I was once again blocked into my spot by Ma's legs.  It was then that I decided that I had had enough.  I was going to win back my couch.

Nonchalantly, I stood up on the couch cushion and did a quick mini-stretch (there wasn't enough room for a full one) and yawned.  Trying not to draw too much attention to myself, I looked around to see if the coast was clear (ideally, everyone would be asleep (they weren't), but at least they were preoccupied by the television) then, without hesitation (you hesitate you miss out) I made a bee-line for Ma's 1/3rd of the couch.  First, I stepped on the pillow, then I stepped on her stomach (she made a loud "oof" sound when I did).  Still standing on her stomach, I turned around twice and threw myself down with a "thud" (from her and from me).  In the end, my butt was situated on Ma's upper stomach and my front end was resting on Ma's knees.

Then I heard laughter.  My entire family was chucking, including Ma though her laughs were more shallow and tinged with pain (apparently the human torso is not made for a full grown Golden to trod and flop down on).  I didn't care that they were laughing at me, though.  I was comfortable and I had sent a message that I'm sure Ma won't forget anytime soon.

With a sigh, I closed my eyes and went back to my dream.

Christmas 2016 Roundup

Posing with the Tree

It's official.  I was a very good boy last year.  How do I know?  Well, Santa doesn't lie and between him, my family, and my two and four legged friends, I really cleaned up this Christmas.

From Tink and ZeeZee I got a filleted snowman with a rattle in its hat, a squeaker in its stomach, and crinkly plastic in its base.  I was given this toy on Christmas afternoon and I immediately ripped a hole in its hat, shattered the rattle with my teeth, broke through the fabric divide between the snowman's hat and head, and started ripping out its stuffing by the mouthful.  I intended to do further damage, however, it was at this point that Sister took the snowman away from me which was definitely depressing.

Scruffy Mini-Mecki

My BFF Mecki and his little brother Bastille gave me a box of cookies (I've already added them to my cookie jar) and a brand new Mini-Meck that was not only scruffy like its namesake, but smelled like him and his brother too (apparently, something happened during the wrapping phase of this gift, but I won't go into that).  Anyway, I was given my Mini-Meck a couple of days ago and it is already in the toy hospital awaiting surgery.

From Santa I got two new light-up squeaky balls (one for home and one for out east) which I squeaked straight through Christmas dinner (to the chagrin of everyone in the room with me) and a bag of treats which I sampled almost as soon as it came out of my stocking.  And while I'm on the topic of stockings, it finally dawned on me this year that all good things come out of them (I have always thought it weird that my family would hang giant socks from the living room/dining room doorway, but I just wrote it off as a human oddity much like saving leftover food for later rather than eating it immediately).  As a result, I spent a fair portion of Christmas Day barking at the over-stuffed stockings despite my family repeatedly telling me that only one of the stockings was mine and that I had already played with all the toys and sampled all the food within.  I, however, didn't care and continued to bark.

From Ma and Pa I got a couple of squeaky tennis balls which I immediately shredded into tiny little yellow fuzz and brown rubber pieces.  Sister got me a plush polar bear toy, but I've yet to lay eyes (or teeth) on it.  According to Sister, it is quite cute which means that I'm going to have to keep my eye on her lest she declare it a stuffed animal ("stuffed animals" are off limits to me).

Cookie from Jack and Sadie

Finally, I received the surprise of a lifetime when loyal readers Jack and Sadie sent me two giant decorated Christmas cookies.  Jack and Sadie are the four legged companions of Ma's co-worker Dianne.  I was super surprised by this generosity and, well, the cookies smelled so good that I kind of ate one of them before Sister could take a picture of the two.  That being said, here's what the second cookie looked like just before I ate its head.

Of course, I didn't just receive gifts.  Oh no.  I gave plenty of fun gifts too.

Twins!

I gave Tink, ZeeZee, and Mecki their very own light up squeaky balls and Bastille, because his mouth is so small, got a squeaky bone that smells like bacon.  My four legged friends also got a box of cookies to share with their respective siblings.  Pa, however, got the piece de resistance of Christmas gifts.  I got Pa a red and white scarf which, get this, came with a matching one for me!  Now Pa and I can walk around town like we're twins!

But Christmas isn't just about giving and getting gifts.  It is also about having fun times with family and friends.  I spent my Christmas Eve and Day with my Ma, Pa, Sister, Aunt B, the hamsters (Mittens, Skittles, Neville, Brownie, and Eddie), and the Library gerbils (Bonnie and Bay) who were visiting for the long weekend.  And even though I got yelled at a couple of times for being a little too exuberant with the shredding of the wrapping paper (there might have been a few near misses between my teeth and the recipient's fingers) a fun time was had by all.

So, to all my friends and family, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!