Don't get me wrong. I know that I'm a very fortunate pup. I have a loving family who sees to my every need. I get two meals a day plus all the food I can grub. I have a warm place to sleep and I have even worn down the powers that be to gain a permanent spot on the couch (which was a long hard fought fight). But despite that, sometimes I just can't help but feel that I don't always get my fair share. When we drive out east, Sister takes up way too much of the backseat. My friend Bastille gets nearly as much or more kibble (depending on whether or not he eats his brother Mecki's kibble too) than I do each day and he's about 50 pounds lighter than me. Then there is cheese. When one of my humans has a piece of cheese, they take 7/8th of the slice while I must attempt to savor a measly 1/8th.
I'm a firm believer, however, that if you don't speak up and make your concerns known, then nothing will ever get better. That's why I recently decided to put my foot down and insist on what was rightfully mine: I decided to fight for a larger piece of the couch.
It was late in the afternoon and my family and I were hanging out, watching TV, and trying to squeeze in a quick nap before dinner. Sister was in her chair, Pa was in his, and Ma was sitting at the far end of the couch. I, meanwhile, was hunkered down on my end of the couch with my head draped over a decorative pillow (the sheet that protects my end of the couch from fur, dirt, and "black drool" was also covering the pillow--I have always found it a tad insulting that I have to have a protective covering on my end of the couch while the humans don't, but I'm willing to overlook it so long as I can sleep on the couch without being hollered at to move). Now, Ma might dispute this (she'd, of course, be lying), but I have discovered over the years that Ma is a notorious couch hog. She starts off occupying a generous 1/3rd of the couch, but eventually stretches her legs out into my territory. So, while I might fall asleep stretched out in my 2/3rds of the couch, I will wake up to discover that suddenly I'm sharing my pillow with her knees and her calves are beginning to resemble bumpers along the outer length of the couch. So anyway, instinctively feeling a bit cramped, I woke up from a particularly nice dream to discover that I was once again blocked into my spot by Ma's legs. It was then that I decided that I had had enough. I was going to win back my couch.
Nonchalantly, I stood up on the couch cushion and did a quick mini-stretch (there wasn't enough room for a full one) and yawned. Trying not to draw too much attention to myself, I looked around to see if the coast was clear (ideally, everyone would be asleep (they weren't), but at least they were preoccupied by the television) then, without hesitation (you hesitate you miss out) I made a bee-line for Ma's 1/3rd of the couch. First, I stepped on the pillow, then I stepped on her stomach (she made a loud "oof" sound when I did). Still standing on her stomach, I turned around twice and threw myself down with a "thud" (from her and from me). In the end, my butt was situated on Ma's upper stomach and my front end was resting on Ma's knees.
Then I heard laughter. My entire family was chucking, including Ma though her laughs were more shallow and tinged with pain (apparently the human torso is not made for a full grown Golden to trod and flop down on). I didn't care that they were laughing at me, though. I was comfortable and I had sent a message that I'm sure Ma won't forget anytime soon.
With a sigh, I closed my eyes and went back to my dream.
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