Rashomon Rigby

Everyone knows that there are two sides to every disagreement: the wrong side and my side.  The following are two accounts of a highly dangerous and potentially traumatic event that happened a few days ago.  One is from my family’s perspective (AKA the wrong side).  The other is from my point of view (AKA the right side).  Let’s see if my loyal readers can figure out which is which.

Account One:  Rigby was in the middle of his hourly rounds; making his way through the house checking for unwanted interlopers, food which had yet to be taste tested, and the working status of the air conditioners (he made note that while all the air conditioners were on, they were not cooling the rooms down nearly enough…obviously an OSHA issue in the making).  Having checked the kitchen and dining room, Rigby made his way into the living room, cycling past Sister’s chair.  It was then that he was suddenly ambushed; something jumped off the chair and attacked him.  There was only one course of action: Rigby had to fight.  He pinned the attacker down with his paw, grabbed a mouthful of stuffing, and began to pull.  The attacker fought back, but it was no match for Rigby, Security Extraordinaire.

Account Two: Rigby was mooching for food and looking for trouble.  After getting kicked out of the kitchen for excessive drooling, he slunk into the living room where he noticed that Ma had left a couch pillow on Sister’s chair.  As he approached it, he discovered that the zipper pull on that pillow was facing out toward the room.  Being physically unable to ignore anything that is metal and shiny, Rigby sauntered over to the pillow, grabbed hold of the zipper pull, and started gnawing at it with his large gnashing back teeth.  Eventually, Rigby tugged the pillow off of the chair and onto the floor at which point, using his foot for leverage, he started pulling on the zipper pull in earnest. 

Now tell me, loyal readers, which account sounds more plausible? 

Magpie

You know how magpies are supposed to be attracted to shiny objects?  Well, call me a magpie because I have the exact same fascination.  I’m drawn to shiny things.  I can’t ignore them.  Here are some of my favorite shiny things:

Buttons on Ma’s Pants:  There’s a certain pair of jeans that Ma wears that has protruding metal buttons running down the sides of the legs.  Without fail, while lounging with her on the couch, I discover these buttons and start nibbling on them.  Usually Ma doesn’t notice at first, but eventually she does and has to pry the buttons out of my mouth and cover them with a blanket or a pillow to keep me from gnawing on them further. 

Pa’s Bracelet:  Pa wears a metal bracelet on his right wrist which just happens to be the side I sit on when he and I are watching TV (okay, he’s watching TV and I’m mooching ear scratches).  After a few minutes of scratches, when Pa is good and distracted by the television, I start nibbling on his bracelet.  Eventually, he too notices what I’m up to and starts contorting his arm to get the bracelet away from me. 

Zippers:  Many a time someone in my family has noticed that a coat, seemly abandoned over a chair or on a doorknob, appears to be moving on its own.  It’s only after getting up and investigating that the reason for the movement is discovered:  I’m either lying underneath or standing alongside the coat, gnawing away happily on the zipper pull.

 

A Visit From Karin

On Friday, Karin (mom to my bff Mecki) came over to visit me.  Okay, she and Sister were technically just killing time before the Library’s holiday party began, but really, who wouldn’t look forward to visiting me?

I’m sorry to say I barked at her when she first came in, but that was only because I had forgotten that Sister had told me she was coming and I was concerned that the person following Sister into the house was a burglar trying to steal my kibble (one must remain ever vigilant for dinner thieves).  Anyway, once I realized who it was, I quickly grabbed my Lyle, Lyle the Crocodile toy and began circling her in greeting (oh, I also gave Sister a wag of the tail—she’s seen Lyle before).

Now, let me just say right off the bat that Karin is the perfect guest.  Not only did she come to say hello to me, but she also brought food—three gingerbread men dog treats to be exact.  They were really tasty (a quick note to Karin: Sorry I nearly took off your fingers when you gave me the treats—I get a bit over excited when it comes to food and tend to misjudge where the cookie ends and the finger begins).  Cementing her glorified status in my mind, Karin then sat down with me in the living room and scratched my neck.

Then it was supper time.  Sister made my dinner and Karin gave me the go ahead to eat (my family insists that I be polite and wait to be told to eat—it’s very hard to be so well behaved).  While I ate, I heard Karin tell my Sister that Mecki gets just about the same amount of food each day as I do.  I did some quick math and determined that either someone is being overfed or someone is being underfed and frankly, I’m apt to go with the latter.

After I finished eating (and after I burped on Karin) she and I went back into the living room.  I made sure to act as cute and adorable as possible.  I even rolled on my back to give her the opportunity to rub my belly (the highest honor I can bestow on someone).

It was then I noticed them; the sparkly bracelets Karin wore around her wrist.  Those who know me well already know this, but for everyone else, let me interject and say that I have a thing about sparkly jewelry.  It fascinates me, the sparkle of shiny stones and the glint of well polished metal.   I’m hypnotized by it and drawn to it.  One minute I’m begging for belly rubs and the next thing I know I’m absentmindedly licking the jewelry.  Anyway, Karin had a whole collection of shiny bracelets on and I just couldn’t help myself.  Now, if I just sat there licking the metal I would have been fine, but I got greedy.  I wanted the bracelets for myself.  Hoping no one would notice, I stealthily started to nibble on them using my front raspberry picking teeth (the front four teeth on the top and bottom of my mouth between my canines that I use to pluck ripe raspberries off the bush each summer).  Apparently I wasn’t sly enough though because Karin told me to stop.  I did, for a few minutes, then, hoping she forgot her earlier command, I started nibbling again.  What can I say, I’m nothing if not persistent.

Then a sad thing happened.  Karin and my Sister decided that it was time to leave to go to the Library’s holiday party.  Then a very sad thing happened.  I was told that I wasn’t allowed to attend.  Talk about bah humbug!  Anyway, Karin said goodbye to me and I collected the bribery cookie Sister gave me to allow her and Karin to leave the house (granted she had to do this twice because they didn’t move fast enough and I beat them back to the door).  With a sigh, I went into the living room to wait for Ma and Pa to come home from work.

When Sister came home from the party, she told me that Karin had said that I was a very good boy and so well behaved.   She also told me that Karin has declared that she no longer believes all the stories Sister has told at work about how troublesome I am.  I was shocked.  Sister is spreading lies about me a work?!

Before I go:  Happy Birthday Karin!