Neighborhood Watch

It is a well known fact that, if not carefully monitored, a previously good neighborhood can easily morph into one that is considered on the "wrong side of the tracks."

Now, I personally feel that, besides being Head of Security inside the house, it is my responsibility to keep an eye on the neighborhood and report any odd happenings I might see to my humans and the other neighboring dogs.  As a result of years of practice, the neighborhood dogs and I have a very sophisticated alert system.  Let me explain.  When I see something, I bark and alert Hank, the Beagle across the street, who starts howling as only Beagles can, and Honey the Yellow Lab next door.  Hank's howls alert Biscuit the on the other side of the street while Honey passes the message on to the short little scruffy black dog living next to her.  Needless to say, within minutes, provided it isn't supper time or nap time, my message can spread from one end of town to the other.

Anyway, back to protecting the neighborhood.

I noticed them as soon as Sister let me outside; a couple of suspicious characters standing in the yard across the street.  For a moment, I stared in disbelief at their brazenness--they just stood there, one grazing on the grass and the other staring me down.  Well, I couldn't stand for that--"See something, say something" is my motto--so I charged the fence barking hysterically.  But the interlopers didn't move a muscle.  Then Hank started howling followed by Biscuit (Honey never alerted her side of the street...I guess it was her dinner time).  No change.  I was just about to start another round of barking when I heard Sister laughing behind me.

Glowing interlopers

"You silly boy," she said to me as she gave me a pat on my side and rubbed my ear, "those reindeer aren't going to hurt you.  They're just Christmas decorations!"

I admit, on closer inspection, those suspicious characters were indeed harmless Christmas decorations (unlike those scary blow up Halloween decorations that I'm sometimes afraid to walk by because the wind makes them move).  Still, despite sounding a false alarm, I still contend that one must be ever vigilant to maintain a neighborhood's integrity.  You never know when your town might come under attack.

Do these guys look suspicious?

A Test

Me and my turkey

Before I begin, I want to wish everyone a very happy (and slightly belated) Thanksgiving! I am thankful for four things:

1. My family and friends (both two legged and four legged)
2. My seemingly endless supply of boney-bones to chew
3. The turkey pieces Pa gave me 
4. The fact that I didn’t get my usual pre-Thanksgiving bath

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Aunt B came over and we all ate a lot of tasty food. I personally had, in addition to my usual kibble dinner, some turkey (yum), breakfast sausage (scrumptious), a potato chip (tasty, but sadly lacking ranch dip), and then a parsnip which I chewed then spit out on the living room floor because it tasted yucky (can’t win them all I guess). The only way the day could have been better was if I managed to get a taste of the apple pie the humans had for dessert.

The next day, Friday, was a big day for me and my family. You see, my humans left me all alone in the house while they went out for a few hours. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “you’ve been left alone at home numerous times (which, by the way, you love because it’s hard work keeping track of your family and you only get a really good nap in when they leave the house), so what’s so different about this time?” Well, this time I was left alone, on my own, in the new house (where I have never been left alone for more than a couple of minutes).

Sadly I must report that my humans seemed a bit apprehensive with this milestone at first. Apparently, and I’m highly offended by this, they had some concerns that I might go crazy and start ripping apart the new couch (its two year guarantee covers spills not the shredding of material), or that I’d pull down all the curtains, or that somehow I’d manage to open the locked door, run into the backyard, roll in the mud, chase a few chickens, track the aforementioned mud into the house (locking the door behind me of course), and jump all over their nice new clean bed linens. Before I continue, let me first address their fears. I’ve never destroyed furniture before and while it is on my to do list, I’m very busy and there are far more interesting, and less time consuming, ways of getting into trouble. As for the curtains, I’d be much too concerned that the wooden rods that hold up the curtains might fall down on my head (which would hurt). And finally, as for that last concern…I love it! Why didn’t I think of that? I just need to figure out how to unlock the door by myself.

Anyway, I was a very good boy while they were gone. I looked out the front window for a time, I sniffed around for crumbs in the kitchen (sadly, there were none), and took a few good long naps. Later, when I heard a car pull into the driveway, I woke up and tried looking out the window to see if my family had returned, but unfortunately by that time it was dark outside and light inside so all I could see was my reflection in the glass (I was momentarily awestruck by how handsome that dog looking back at me was). So as to avoid another misunderstanding like the one I mentioned in my last post, I grabbed my tennis ball and ran to the side door even though I wasn’t totally sure that the car I heard belonged to my family or not. Well, turns out it was my family, and they really appreciated the greeting. Then, after a quick check of the house, I was praised by my Ma, Pa, and Sister for being so good while they were out. Apparently, they had became really worried when they pulled up into the driveway and saw me staring out the window with an annoyed look on my face which begs the question: Should I be insulted by the praise I did receive?

Two Sides of the Same Story

Ma and I had a bit of a disagreement this evening about a specific event which occurred when she came home from work.  I have chosen to share both sides of the story to allow my loyal readers a chance to decide on their own whose side of the story is accurate.

Ma's Side:  (AKA The Lie)
Ma parked her car in front of the house and started up the driveway toward the gate.  As she got closer, she noticed that I too was in the driveway, but rather than running over to her to greet her, I was simply staring into the next door neighbor's yard intently.  She opened the gate and walked in, closing the gate behind her with a loud click meant to gain my attention.  I didn't move.  She walked toward me calling my name, but, save for raising my ears up as though I heard a strange noise, I ignored her and continued staring into the other yard.

Suddenly, I turned and ran at top speed into the backyard to investigate a sound that only I heard.  Ma watched as I scurried in and out of the bushes searching for the source of the sound never realizing that Ma was right there.  

I might not have realized she was there, but someone else did:  the yellow lab next door named Honey.  Honey started barking because she wanted my Ma to pet her and I sprinted to the fence because I wanted to play with her (you see, according to Ma, Honey and I are really quite different.  Honey is a people dog--she likes to hang out with people.  I'm more of a dog's dog--I get along with people splendidly, but given my druthers, I prefer to hang out with other dogs).

When Honey's mom called her into the house, Ma started calling my name again which I seemingly ignored until, all of a sudden, her voice actually made it from my ears to my brain and I turned around to find Ma standing behind me.  I was overjoyed and ran to greet her.


My Side:  (AKA The Truth)
Ever since daylight savings time ended, I've noticed that it is very dark outside when Sister comes home from work and lets me out to explore.  As Head of Security, this darkness is quite problematic and could potentially lead to a major security breech.  Therefore, I must be extra vigilant in checking the property's perimeters for any intruders each evening.

With that said, I knew that Ma was due home from work at any moment and I wanted to make sure that there were no dangerous characters hanging around the property.  I was in the process of visually checking out the yard next door, when I noticed that Ma had just pulled up in front of the house.  Although I had every intention of running to the gate to greet her, I was distracted when I though I heard something on the other side of the fence.

While I was busy standing stock still trying to determine if someone (or something) was encroaching on my property, Ma had exited her car, entered through the gate, and was currently a few feet away from me.  It was then she started calling my name.  Now I can't express to you just how annoying that was.  There I was trying to determine if the sound I heard was coming from the next yard and I couldn't concentrate because Ma was making a ruckus.  

In between Ma shouting my name, I suddenly heard a sound coming from my backyard.  Desperate to keep Ma safe, I ran as fast as I could into the yard in search of the source of the sound.  I found nothing.

Then Honey appeared at the fence.  I quickly ran over to her to ask if she had seen or heard anything suspicious, but once again Ma was calling my name and I couldn't hear her answer.

Realizing that I wasn't going to be able to fulfill my position as Head of Security until I paid Ma some attention (I love her, but she can be so needy), I ran to her side to say hello.  Afterward, I considered continuing my search for the cause of the sound, but Ma suggested that we go inside for dinner and I figured that we'd all be safe inside the house.

So really, whose story do you believe?

Back to Normal

Smile!

Now that I've gotten power and Internet service back and my family is in a much better mood, I've decided to resume my hobby of causing trouble.  I was slightly concerned that, given how long it's been, I would need to practice getting into mischief before I reached my pre-storm standards; brush up on my skills.  Well, it has been a few days now and, according to Sister, I shouldn't have worried about losing my gift.  I guess it's kind of like rolling over on command, once you learn it you can never unlearn it (though you can always refuse to do it because it annoys your humans).

Here is some of the mischief I've caused over the last few days:

• While Sister cleaned and put away the fans for the winter, I walked off with...
• the Windex spray bottle twice
• the roll of paper towels three times
• a used piece paper towel once (I ate some of it)
• three screwdrivers numerous times
• the foot of the floor fan
• pieces of cardboard from the box she was trying to store the fans in (I ate a couple of pieces; it was really chewy).

• While Ma cleaned the bathroom I walked off with...
• one hand towel

• While Pa, Ma, and Sister ate dinner I walked off with...
• the dishtowel

• While Sister tidied the back room (formally known as the "Land of No" a place where everything I wasn't supposed to get a hold of was kept behind a baby gate) I walked off with...
• Sister's sneakers
• a bag of spring loaded curtain rods (I didn't get far with them because they made a scary noise)
• a receipt (I ate the corner of it when Sister tried to wrestle it away from me)

• While Sister folded the newly washed laundry I walked off with...
• two pairs of socks (nice thick ones)
• one of Pa's shirts 

• While Pa, Ma, and Sister tried to catch up on their favorite television shows and Sister crocheted I attempted to steal Sister's...
• ball of yarn
• scissors
• pencil

Taking a well earned nap

Sister says I've been so troublesome lately that I'm lucky I'm cute (cute?!-ruggedly handsome is more like it) otherwise no one would tolerate me.  To that I say:  "Thank you!"  It's always nice when someone acknowledges your hard work.

The Sandy Diaries: Part 2

Monday, November 5

I think I'm going through technology withdrawal.  It has been seven days without power and while Sister is still nice enough to post for me when she gets to work, I really do kind of miss posting it myself (not to mention I'm always concerned that Sister might twist my words around and tell her side of the story rather than mine). 

Today was a very lonely day.  Like they warned me, Sister and Ma went back to work and left me all alone except for during Sister's lunch break.  True, I took advantage of the silence and caught up on my sleep (you'd be amazed how much energy it takes to keep an eye on those two), but I really did miss them.  I was so excited when Sister came home after work that I ran around the back yard like a lunatic!  After dinner Ma gave me another Kong filled with peanut butter. 

Tuesday, November 6

Meri

The rat has abandoned ship!  Sister decided this morning that it was simply too cold in the house for her pet hamster Meri to stay, so she bundled her up, put her in the car, and took her to the Library to wait out the blackout.  I was quite jealous and tried my best to jump into Sister's car, but Pa held me back (and I thought he was on my side!).  Why does Meri get to go and stay in the Library and I don't?  It's just not fair!  I'm the avid reader, not the rat.  I'm the one who has shredded countless newspapers and ripped up a travel book!

Wednesday, November 7

Ma decided to stay home from work today which I thought was great until I realized that she had a lot to do and wasn't going to be able to spend the entire time with me.  She and I did, however, toward the end of the day, have reading time (Ma reads her book and I lay on her feet) which was nice.

When Ma took me outside later in the day I was thrilled to discover that it was snowing due to something called a "nor'easter."  Now, I don't know that much about nor'easters, but if they bring snow they can't be all bad, right?  I'm hoping that it snows a lot, though I get the feeling no one else in the house share's my excitement.

As I mentioned earlier, the rat moved to the Library yesterday to stay warm.  Today, Ma and Sister each packed an overnight bag and headed out to Denise and Alex's house to spend the night.  That meant that Pa and I were going to have something called a "boy's night in."  So far it has been great.  We sat around the living room for a little while then, at 9pm, we went to bed (finally someone has figured out that you're supposed to go to sleep when it's pitch black out!).  Then it got even better.  Pa said I could sleep on his bed with him!  I'm never allowed on the big bed (not that that rule has ever stopped me).  I cuddled up next to Pa and before he went to sleep he pulled a blanket over me to keep me warm. 

Thursday, November 8

Today was great!  I know, I've been a bit down lately since I haven't been able to check out my bff's blog and the hamster, Ma, and Sister have all escaped to warmer places (though I have enjoyed sleeping on the bed with Pa), but today was a real treat!

 

A canopy of branches

When I went outside this morning, not only was there still snow on the ground (about 6 inches), but the cherry tree in the back yard was bent over and touching the ground from the weight of that snow.  It was so weird!  I mean, who would have thought a tree could bend over like that?  Anyway, this new development got the wheels in my head turning and I came up with a number of really fun games relating to the tree's position.  First, I ran around like mad bursting in and out of the branches.  When I tired of that game I started grabbing the low lying branches and ripping them off of the tree.  It was really, really fun.  Yeah, I've grabbed and shredded branches that have fallen out of the trees before, but never did I ever have the opportunity to pick them off myself! 

A little while later, Ma and Sister returned from Denise and Alex's and, along with Pa, started cleaning up the yard:  Pa shoveled, Sister beat the bushes and the tree with a broom to remove the snow (which looked like a lot of fun especially when the branches suddenly sprung back upright) and Ma picked up sticks in the front of the house.  At one point, after Pa had left for work, I sprinted past Sister when she opened the gate and ran out into the front yard.  Ma grabbed hold of my collar before I could get too far which was good since I was so overwhelmed with the entire winter wonderland that I didn't know what exactly I was doing (I just wanted to run!).

Ralphie and me playing!

Ralphie and me leaning.

But the fun didn't end there.  After lunch Sister told me that she had a big surprise for me:  I was scheduled to have a play date with Rita's dogs Ralphie and Brandy.  Now, I've never personally met either Brandy or Ralphie but I have been a kind of pen pal with them for a number of years now and I know they are avid readers of my blog (they especially liked the video of me carrying on after my bath!).  Needless to say, I was excited.  Sister and Ma put my prong and choke collars on (or bling as we call it) and off we went down the street.  After a short walk we came upon a house with a cousin (AKA Golden Retriever) in the door.  "That's Ralphie!" Sister told me as she opened the front gate and let me into the yard.  Minutes later Ralphie bounded out of the house and the fun began.  We each gave each other a good sniff over, greeted our respective owners (Ralphie is all about being petted), then ran around like crazy dogs.  We had a great time running up and down the yard, begging for pets from passing strangers, and eating snow.  Ralphie even taught me how to make dog angels in the snow which I've been practicing ever since. 



Having a conversation.

After we played for a little while, Rita let her other dog, Brandy, out into the yard.  Brandy is very different from Ralphie.  She is much more refined and gentle which is fine by me because I've very flexible when it comes to playing with other dogs--I'll box with some, I'll run with others, and some I'll just hang out with.  Ralphie got a little jealous of me playing with Brandy, but eventually we were all running around the yard (and vying for pets).  I had a lot of fun and I hope we'll have another play date soon (after a good long nap).



All tuckered out from playing.

Sister and Ma are leaving again this evening, but I'm not too sad because that means I get to sleep in the big bed again (I just hope Pa doesn't hog it too bad).  Oh, and we've gotten more good news.  Just before nightfall, a utility company from California came and started working on the broken utility pole up the street.  Maybe we'll have power soon.

Friday, November 9

The day started out rather bad.  Today is day twelve with no power.  Now, if that wasn't bad enough, I also didn't sleep well last night because Pa was hogging the bed (though he will tell you that I was hogging the bed--he lies!) and Ma and Sister have gone back at work again (Ma took two days off and Sister's Library was closed yesterday because of the storm). 

PG&E to the rescue!

At lunch time, however, the day started to take a turn for the better.  First, those people from California showed up on the block around lunch time and continued to work on the utility pole outside.  I barked orders at them to tell them which wires to connect and whether or not the pole was perpendicular to the ground (none of the workers thanked me for my help).  Then, around 2pm, I heard the familiar sound of the refrigerator starting up and the house lit up like a Christmas tree (my humans really should have turned off all those light switches earlier).  Now the heat is coming up.  Maybe now things can get back to normal.

The Sandy Diaries: Part 1

Weather is weird.  One day I'm playing outside in the sun and all of a sudden the area is hit by something called a "Hurricane Sandy" and everything goes crazy.

I lost power in my house at 3:30pm on Monday, October 29th and have yet, at the time of this posting one week later, to regain it (I'm posting this from Sister's workplace).  Being the technologically advanced canine that I am, this week has been exceedingly tough; no blog posts, no Animal Planet on TV, and no checking in on my bff's blog.  Still, despite these hardships, I decided early on that I couldn't keep my loyal readers figuratively in the dark (even though I am literally in the dark right now) and deny them access to my moving prose and action figure lifestyle.  Therefore, I've kept an ongoing journal of my thoughts which I will share now.

But before I begin, let me first send out a message to my friends who have weathered this angry storm:  I hope you are safe and warm and please thank your two legged (for my dog friends) and your four legged (for my human friends) companions for their loyalty and support during Hurricane Sandy and her aftermath.

Let us begin...

Monday, October 29

All indications this morning suggested that it was going to be a great day.  Ma and Sister's bosses each gave them the day off and though Pa said he was going to work, I thought he was actually going to the doggy toy store to buy me a present.  Boy was I wrong!

As the day progressed, things became rushed and a little bit frantic.  Ma and Sister ran around the house cleaning, washing, and cooking dinner way too early (and I didn't get to test anything they cooked despite the fact that I helped them with the laundry--nothing tastes better than stinky socks, just ask my bff Mecki who actually swallowed one recently (he's okay by the way--the sock, not so much)).  Then Ma and Sister took me outside and said:  "Do your business now; it might be your last opportunity!"  Now let me tell you, that's an awful lot of pressure to put on a little dog and his bladder!  To make matters worse, my tail feathers (technically speaking, the long flowing locks down my back legs and my tail itself) kept being blown by the gusty winds.  Three words:  Very, very disturbing!

When I was done, we all came in and sat by the television.  No sooner had I found a nice bone to gnaw on when everything suddenly turned off.  I got up, grabbed the television remote control off the couch, and started walking around the living room with it hoping someone would turn the television back on.  Sister caught up with me, took the remote, and while scratching my ear, told me that there would be no more TV for a while.

As scary as the words "No TV" are, it got even scarier later when it got dark and the wind started really picking up.  Now, my go to response in similar scary situations is to go to sleep and wait for it all to be over.  I tried, really I did, but I was not able to take a good nap because my humans stayed up late listening to something called the radio.

Eventually everyone decided that it was time to go to bed.  I found it a bit odd when Sister started turning the couch into a bed, but being the loyal dog I am I curled up on my pillow by her side without question.  She thinks I'm staying by her side because I want to make sure she isn't afraid of the storm, but, truth be told, I'm sleeping here because I figure she'd be first one in the refrigerator once the power comes back on.

I plan on dreaming about all the sticks Ma told me would likely be on the ground when I wake up tomorrow morning.  I love chewing on sticks!

Tuesday, October 30

Can I keep it?

Oh boy a lot happened last night!  When I woke up I saw that Ma's prediction was correct; there were a ton of sticks and twigs and branches all over the place.  Ever the helpful pup, I set to work right away turning all those branches into wood chips, but apparently Ma didn't appreciate my help and kept taking my branches away (though somehow I always managed to find another larger and tastier one minutes later).  I found one branch that was literally two and a half times bigger than me!  I pranced around proudly with it.

Similar to the night before, my humans refused to go to bed early despite the fact that it was pitch black in the house.  All they did was sit around and play board games--BORING!

Sister is sleeping upstairs in her bed again tonight and I'm going to make sure I snuggle up nice and close to her so as to keep warm.  I just hope she doesn't kick me out because she thinks I'm hogging the bed (I have a bit of a history).

Wednesday, October 31

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!  This year, Sister decided that I absolutely had to dress up so she stuck a T-shirt on me and told me I was disguised as an employee where she works.  At first, I was a bit embarrassed, but I got over it quickly once she started giving me treats for being such a good boy and for not ripping the shirt to pieces (I would never do such a thing [insert evil grin here]).   I just wish Sister got me a larger size; the shirt was a bit small for my muscular chest.

 

I didn't even eat the pumpkin!

Anyway, I didn't get nearly enough naps in today.  Every time I laid down on the floor, a miniature witch, super hero, or blood-covered zombie, cheerleader, or office worker would bang on the door wanting candy handouts.  When the knocking first started I barked at the interlopers; they all wanted candy but no one wanted to pet the ruggedly handsome dog (what nerve!).  After a while I got tired and took a ten minute nap. 

Thoroughly refreshed, I returned to the door and started challenging kids to staring contests.  I'm proud to say I won each round.  Feeling bad for the defeated challengers, Sister gave each a bag of candy.

This evening, when my humans sat down to watch movies on Sister's laptop, Ma gave me a Kong filled with peanut butter.  It was tasty.

Thursday, November 1

The house is really getting cold and I'm particularly aware of because I don't have a very thick coat like most Goldens do.  That's why, in the wintertime, I wear a very stylish red coat when I go out.

Keeping warm

All through last night I stayed extra close to Sister so that we could share whatever warmth we each had.  In the morning, even though my belly was grumbling for my breakfast and I heard Pa in the kitchen, I stayed behind with Sister to keep her warm.  What can I say?  When you are part of a pack you always make sure your pack mates (whether dog or human) stay warm.

A sure indication of how cold it is is that Pa actually allowed me to sleep on his bed after I ate my breakfast.  When Sister noticed me there, she pulled up the blankets and tucked me in.  Then Pa came and wrapped his sweat shirt around my neck like a hoodie.  I think he was doing it to get a laugh at my expense, but I didn't mind too much--I was warm and comfortable.

  

Friday, November 2

 

My new stick

Tempers are starting to show as my family and I endure day four with no power.  Sister hollered at me a couple of times today, but I kind of had it coming because I wouldn't stop barking.  After yelling at me, Sister apologized to me and I gave her a big kiss on the cheek to say I was sorry for yapping so much.

Highlights of the day include wrestling another giant stick out of the bushes (Ma and Sister thought they had thrown them all out), Pa allowing me to sleep on the couch (granted, he had his feet tucked under me essentially turning me into a living bed warmer), and having Sister tuck me in under her blanket when we went to bed.

Saturday, November 3

It was really, really cold last night.  Luck for me, Sister has been sharing her blankets with me and Pa heated up the water (or gravy as I call it) that he puts in my kibble in my breakfast this morning.  True, it's not quite oatmeal, but it was really tasty.



I spent most of the day with Ma because Pa and Sister went out east to check on the new house.  When they came home this evening they were smiling and happy because:

Sister out east w/ broken branches

1.  while a lot of branches fell, none fell on the house (I'm looking forward to chewing on some of those branches)

2.  the house had electricity, heat, and hot water

Needless to say, Ma and I were quite jealous.  Pa and Sister said we were lucky they came back.

And to my Aunt B:  I hope your hand feels better real soon and remember, petting a dog is the best physical therapy available (I'm always available for a session)!

 

Sunday, November 4

It is really, really cold in the house right now and Sister's blankets aren't cutting it any longer.  She says she's going to have to look around for some more for tonight.

Today Sister sewed up a few of my toys and I had a lot of fun playing with Lyle, Fish, and Zebra.  She even waived the required 24 hour drying period and sewed up Fish a second time after I tore it again.  I have the best Sister!

Sister told me that everything was going to change on Monday because she and Ma were going to be going back to work.  I'm going to miss them a lot.

Ma put something called flannel sheets on Sister's bed this evening.  Sister says I'm really going to like them, but frankly they don't sound like tasty food to me.