Not A Kissy Dog

I am not a kissy dog.  Sure, I'll check your hands for tasty scraps or enticing smells after you've finished eating.  And yes, I have been known to obsessively lick a person's leg until he/she is totally grossed out.  But give out traditional kisses?  That's just not how I roll.  I'd much prefer to show my affection by allowing someone to rub my butt or scratch my belly, and if I felt particularly affectionate, I'd stick my wet nose in someone's eye (I've discovered that people squeal with appreciation the loudest when I do this while they're sleeping).

That being said, there have been a couple of times in my life that I have presented someone with an actual, genuine, kiss and I've discovered that these super rare signs of affection fall into one of three categories:

Who Wants A Kiss?

A Peck:  I walk up to the recipient and, before he/she knows what's happening, I give him/her one big wet lap across the face.  With the kiss out of my system, I simply continue on my way.

A Nibble:  This category is reserved solely for Sister.  It consists of me giving her two "pecks" on the nose with a quick nibble (using what my family refers to as my raspberry picking teeth AKA my incisors which are the perfect tools for precision picking of ripe fruit) in between.  And if nibbling on Sister's nose wasn't fun enough, I then get to watch her reaction which includes swatting me away with her arms and a hilarious combination of squeals, squeaks, and screams.  And my response?  A smile and a wag of my tail.

A Slosh:  This category is also reserved solely for Sister.  First, I get a big drink of water.  For those of you who don't know, I'm not one to drink water by politely skimming it off the top of the bowl, snout suspended well above the high water mark.  Instead, I drink from the bottom of the bowl up, meaning I stick my entire snout under the surface.  Because of this technique, and coupled with my abundant supply of jowls, when I come up for air I am sopping wet.  Having filling my jowls, I next go looking for Sister, and, when I finally find her, I give her a great big wet kiss across the face releasing the gallons of water I have stored up.  The combination of laughing, gurgling, spitting, and flailing that issues from Sister is priceless.