I am proud to announce that I have achieved a personal (and perhaps world) record: I managed to fling spit a full 35 inches up the side of a vertical wall.
I'll pause here a moment to allow for the inevitable applause.
Thank you! Thank you!
Wait, did I hear someone say "speech"? Well...okay, if you insist!
It has been a long hard yet rewarding road I've traveled. I've spent countless hours honing my skill. I remember back when I was a little pup and first discovered the ability to leave unattractive black drool on unsuspecting pant legs and bedspreads. I was so proud and my family was so disgusted (little did they know that that was just the tip of the iceberg). But despite my success, I chose not to stop there. I set my sights on higher goals and that was when I discovered the joy of leaving my drooly calling card on walls. Of course, I started small, a few inches at a time, but with hard work and vigilance, I finally managed to reach the epic level I'm at today. Look at me, I'm a champ!
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