Being Obnoxious

I have to get something off my chest.  Stumpy the Squirrel is completely and totally out of control.  You remember Stumpy, right?  He's the annoying "squirrel" (I put this in quotes because I honestly don't know what Stumpy is...he looks like a squirrel except he is missing 90% of his tail and he hops around like a bunny) that my family has taken a shine to .  Well, while I've always found him rather annoying, I've come to realize that he's also very nervy.  Look what he did!

That's right, Stumpy has decided to use my windowsill as his own personal refrigerator for his half-eaten chunks of Italian bread!  Now, there are many things wrong with this.  First, there is the knowledge that Stumpy is setting paw, not only on my property, but on my house.  Second, he's lurking right outside my window (he's a Peeping Tom now too!).  Third, he's depositing his stash just out of my reach (hey, I like bread too!).

Stumpy Watching from Above

But I suppose, in some ways, and I hate to admit this, Stumpy and I are a lot alike.  You see, we both excel in passive aggressive techniques.  He leaves his table scraps just out of my reach and me, well...

It's no secret that I love to engage in a little thievery from time to time.  But to set the record straight, it's never really my fault.  I mean, did I tell you to leave your purse open?  Did I suggest that you leave your closet door open (giving me access to your shoe collection)?  Did I ask you to leave the dish towel within my reach?  Did I recommend that you leave the folded laundry on the bed?  Of course not!  But once it's done, I have no choice but to react.

So off I run with the pick pocketed key chain, purloined dishtowel, swiped shoe, or pilfered piece of laundry.  And it goes without saying that my humans are usually hot on my tail, determined to steal back my ill-gotten gains.

Of course, my dream is to keep the item, chew on it a little, rip off all its buttons, and tear all its seams.  But I know what is expected of me; mainly that I'm supposed to give up my appropriated goods without a fight.  However, just because I know what I should do, doesn't mean that I won't add my own little flair to the procedure. 

And my way of adding a little flair to the situation is to be obnoxious about it.  As soon as one of my humans corner me and reach for the ill-gotten gains in my mouth, I drop it, forcing him/her to pick the item up off the floor.  And oh boy am I good at this trick.  I can't tell you how many times I've done this and each time whoever is trying to claim my stolen goods complains bitterly about having to pick the item up off the floor when I could have just handed it to them when it was about two feet higher off the ground in my mouth.