Thanksgiving 2021

Wishing all my friends, family, and fans a very

 

Happy and Healthy Thanksgiving!

 

May the ear scratches from family always hit the spot and may the table scraps be plentiful.

 

Camping

Sister and I went camping last weekend. 

Okay, we went glamping. 

Fine, we slept on the floor in the living room for two nights. 

Camping during TS Ida

No matter what you call it, I love it.  Throughout the years, I’ve had many camping excursions.  When I’m not feeling well, Ma usually sits up with me in the living room.  When Sister isn’t feeling well, she’s been known to relocate to her chair to spend the night.  And when there’s a scary wind storm going through the area, Sister’s always quick to head to lower ground (and away from the giant oak that used to live right outside her window). 

So why did we camp out this weekend?  Well, Sister and I were home alone together and rather than drag me upstairs to her bedroom and devise a way of keeping me on the second floor when I normally sleep on the first, Sister thought it would be a heck of a lot easier and fun if we just camped out on the living room floor.  She was right on all counts. 

On the first night of our camping trip, I settled down next to Sister and I fell asleep while she scratched my side.  I woke up only once that night when Sister poked me because I was dreaming and kicking her in my sleep.  On the second night, however, I decided that I wanted upgrade my sleeping accommodations.  So, as soon as Sister made up her bed on the floor, I...well...took over. 

A Bedtime Upgrade

Needless to say, Sister was less than pleased with my decision to upgrade my bed, but what was she going to do?  I had, upon settling down, immediately gone into my floppy dead weight mode—a state in which I cannot be physically moved.  So Sister spent the first part of the night in her chair and only regained her bed after I, feeling a little overheated, moved on to the cold wood floor to sleep.  I’ve never seen Sister move so quickly in my life.

Me and George

Lookin' Good

There is no such thing as a boring walk.  There’s always...

1. Someone to meet (human and/or canine);
2. Something to sniff (I’m a big fan of corner fences); and/or 
3. Someplace to pull (usually from one side of the street to the other).
   

On Saturday, Sister took me for a walk to the park and, aside from pulling her from one side of the block to the other, I got to meet not one but two new human friends. 

At first, I didn’t realize that Sister and I weren’t alone on the block—I was too busy sniffing every fence post and blade of grass to notice.  I only realized that a man and a woman were walking toward us when Sister pulled me aside onto the apron between the sidewalk and the street to allow the couple to pass us by unobstructed on the sidewalk. 

But pass us by they did not. Instead, they stopped and extended their hands for me to sniff.  Obviously friend and not foe, I leaned in toward both to take advantage of the scratches they seemed so eager to share.  “What’s his name?” the woman asked as I dragged my drooly frothy chin across her black sweater sleeve from wrist to elbow.  Sister, speaking on my behalf because I was too busy enjoying all the attention to respond myself, shared my name, apologized for the drool, and then engaged in a conversation with the couple about what a good boy I am and how I’m just a big softie (luckily there were no other dogs around to hear this admission). 

“How old is he?” the friendly lady with the drool up and down her arm asked. 

“Almost twelve and a half years old,” Sister replied. 

The man and the woman gasped and commented on how handsome and good looking I am. 

What can I say?  I’m the George Clooney of dogs.

 

Halloween 2021

 

Happy Halloween!

 

^^..^^

An Extreme Lapse in Security

Allow me to set the scene.  It was a pleasantly cool sunny day in late September and I was taking full advantage of the weather by napping on the deck out east.  With homeland security always foremost in my mind, I purposely positioned myself so that I was facing out toward the street, ready to pounce should an intruder attack.  To the untrained eye, I might have appeared to be sleeping, but it was all a ruse.  I was a coiled spring ready to defend my turf at a moment’s notice. 

So ready was I that, a few minutes later, from what appeared to be a dead sleep, I was awakened by the smell of squirrel on the wind.  Snout in the air, I successfully tracked the furry little interloper across the deck and into the backyard.

But when I came back up onto the deck after showing the squirrel the door, Ma, who was also taking part in deck-time, was laughing at me.  It was only later, when Ma was talking to Pa, that I learned why she was laughing.  Apparently, there had been a massive breach in security.

Here’s what Ma saw:

Ma was sitting on the deck, reading her book, and, not far out in front of her, I was snoozing.  Suddenly, Ma heard a scuttling sound of tiny paws coming up from behind her.  She looked up from her book just in time to see a squirrel come strolling out from under her chair.  In disbelief, Ma watched as the squirrel continued walking forward and right past me acting, for all the world, like I wasn’t even there.  I, meanwhile, continued to snooze totally undisturbed.

A second later, Ma witnessed a second squirrel come scuttling up onto the porch and come to a halt besides her.  Ma watched in disbelief as the squirrel just stood there, completely oblivious of her and me.  Concerned that this entire event could end poorly, Ma moved her leg as a way of alerting the squirrel to the fact that he was not alone on the porch.  It was a good thing that she did because, based on the startled jump it did straight into the air, the squirrel wasn’t even remotely aware that he wasn’t alone.  I, meanwhile, continued snoozing.  After a moment, the squirrel regained his composure, did a reverse face, and hightailed it into the backyard.

It was shortly thereafter that I was awakened by the smell of squirrel on the wind.  Snout in the air, I successfully tracked the furry little interloper across the deck and into the backyard.

Needless to say, this entire event highlighted an extreme lapse in my security system and proved to be beyond embarrassing for me personally.  A full inquiry into the events of that cool sunny day will commence shortly.

A Bilingual Boy

I am bilingual. Obviously, I know my mother tongue and use it often (when I’m happy, when I’m sulking, when I want something, when I’m tapping into the neighborhood hotline, when someone walks in front of my house, when I imagine someone walking in front of my house, etc.), but I also know English. In fact, I am actually quite fluent in spoken English if I do say so myself. 

In my mind, English words fall into four categories: important words, upsetting words, tricks and commands, and reminders.

Under the heading of important words are words like dinner, supper, walk, cookie, and do you wanna followed by a fun activity (i.e., do you wanna go to work and do you wanna go in the AC?).

Upsetting words include species on my list of arch enemies (squirrels, bunnies, etc.) and the scary way the woman in the smoke detector says “fi-re.”

Tricks and commands include boring instructional words like sit, down, wait, and come as well as all the performance tricks I’ve learned throughout the years including say your prayers, eights (a personal favorite of mine), paw, high five, wave, one potato-two potato, BANG!, and let’s dance.

Reminders include phrases like “Rigs, go do your business” for when I’ve forgotten why I’ve gone outside, “focus” for when I am distracted when I should be focusing on actually doing business, and “we’re not here to eat grass” for when I’m escorted out of the backyard because, well, while I love the taste of grass, grass doesn’t love me.

But, being the overachiever that I am, I decided not to stop solely at being fluent in the spoken word. I have also learned a number written English words as well.

For instance, the words Chewy and Baskin-Robbins both mean Rigby, or more precisely, something for Rigby. I recognize that boxes clearly marked Chewy include toys, food, bones, and, unfortunately, shampoo, while Baskin-Robbins bags have ice cream inside them (which I get to sample). And let me tell you, when those boxes and bags enter the house, well, let’s just say they get my full and undivided attention.

Pay No Attention to the Turkeys in the Backyard

When faced with a security breach, one must take certain steps to ensure the safety of all those within the breach’s proximity. 

Assess the Situation—one wouldn’t want to overreact and sound a false alarm. 

A couple of weekends ago, my family was all aflutter about something that was happening outside the widow.  Because no one was frantically upset, the event was clearly happening outside the house, and my family and I were securely inside the house, I decided that the situation was under control and that my mid-morning nap could continue as scheduled. 

Be Suspicious of Silence—don’t let a threat catch you flatfooted. 

A little while later, Aunt B and I were left alone in the house.  B received a phone call and disappeared toward the back of the building.  When she didn’t return in a timely manner, I decided that it was time to investigate.  Getting up, I paddled into the dining room. 

Check the Perimeter—look for threats. 

The key is to scan the area from left to right.  Saddling up alongside Aunt B, I looked out the window toward the far left of the yard and immediately saw the next-door neighbor walking from her house toward the in ground pool wearing an orange swimming cap. 

Sound the Alarm—the louder the better. 

Realizing this woman was obviously a major threat to security, I let out a hysterical string of warning barks. 

Commit to your Reaction—never second guess yourself. 

The woman in the orange swimming cap was absolutely one hundred percent the greatest threat to my property.  No questions asked.  Therefore, I purposely paid absolutely no attention to the family of turkeys who had traversed from the front yard to the back and were busy grazing brazenly in the middle of my yard.  I swear I knew they were there the whole time.