National Puppy Day

Today is National Puppy Day! 

Now, it’s been a long time since I was a pup, but who am I to miss out on a celebration? 

Harkening back on my puppy days, I would be remiss if I didn’t remind all my loyal readers that despite being born the cutest puppy in the entire world, I was a bit of a juvenile delinquent.  No, I think I can go a step further. I was a complete and total terror with gnashing teeth that were disturbingly large given the size of my mouth.  Don’t believe me?  May I directly you to my award-winning (okay, I didn’t win any awards, but I should have) series within a series: The Puppy Files. 

• The Fleeing Song: Where a catchy song becomes an anthem.
• Home Alone with Sister: Where Sister yanks out my dew claw. 
• Moving a Building: Where I earn my tough guy scar. 
• My Overly Toothy Grin: Where my beloved needle-sharp baby teeth fall out and are replaced, happily, by even larger ones. 
• A Tail’s Tale: Where I bravely confront the guy who’s been following me everywhere. 
• Rigby v. Rug: Where I try to cover up a crime with a felony. 
• My Only Friend: Where I seek out a friend after pissing off my entire family. 
• Autodefenestration: Where I jump out of a moving vehicle. 
• Impaired Vision: Where an unidentified floating object temporarily distracts me from chewing on Sister’s hands. 
• Taste Tester: Where I cautiously examine all foods given to me for fear of payback for my bad behavior. 
• Punishment Walks: Where my rambunctiousness results in my family taking me on never ending walks. 
• Fourth of July: Where I pretend to be afraid of fireworks to mooch carrots off people. 
• An Honest Mistake: Where I visit a street fair and lunge at a giant acrobatic swan. 

But enough about that—enough about my misspent youth.  National Puppy Day is all about cute little puppies and, as I said, I was the cutest puppy of them all.  So, without further ado: Me as a Puppy.

St. Patrick's Day 2023

 

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What time will the corned beef be served?

The Benefits of Age

Pretty handsome
for 95

They say age is only a number. That being said, I’m 95 years old, darn it, and with age I think I’ve earned the right to take some liberties. If I want to do something that I would have gotten yelled at when I was younger, then I’m going to do it and if I want to be quirkier than usual, well that’s my prerogative. The way I see it, I’ve earned the right to do what I want the way I want.

So behold, the promises of a 95-year-old man: 

Manners invented by the humans will no longer apply:

• I will circle the dinner table like a shark
• I will raise my snout at the dinner table to see if any dishes are a bit too close to the edge (and try to sneak a taste)
• I will lick Pa’s elbow while he’s eating
  

Patrolling for food and licking an elbow

Food demands will always be met:

• I will expect my dinners to be spiked with a variety of vegetables including broccoli, green beans, sweet potatoes, and carrots
• I will wipe my snout on any soft surface I want after eating
• I will get a big cookie after simply barking at the big cookie box 

Snout wiping after a tasty meal

Exercise routines are based on my schedule and interest level:

• I will decide when walks happen as well as how long they last (if I only want to go to the end of the block then that’s how far I’ll go)
• I will occasionally launch into a full gallop just to scare my humans

Sleeping is done on my terms:

• I will demand that someone hoist my back end up onto the couch for me
• I will demand that someone sleep at least part of the night with me in the living room rather than the whole night in the bedroom
• I will require someone to make sure that all my feet are accounted for and pointing in the right direction when I lay down (and rearrange them if they aren’t)
• I will take up as much of the couch as I want

Waiting for a boost and spreading out

Annoyances will be dealt with swiftly:

• I will reap the benefits of selective hearing loss
• I will get up and walk away in a huff when Sister starts to pluck tufts of loose fur off of me

My time, my hobbies:

• I will physically block doorways without a second thought
• I will bark for 10 minutes straight at imaginary objects
• I will give people the evil eye when they refuse to go to work
• I will rip the stuffing out of any toy I want
• I will steal a broken toy from atop the table while Pa’s watching
• I will rip all wrapping paper and some boxes
• I will bark hysterically at little dogs wearing pink polka-dotted dresses when normally I would ignore them
  

Why aren't you at work?

Restroom etiquette: 

• I will do my business in the backyard on the new sod rather than in my designated business spot

Posing with the new sod