Deconstructing "Come and Sit"

My bff!

Before I begin, I just want to give a shout out to my bff Mecki who turns two years old today!  Happy birthday Mecki!

I love to run.  Check that, I love to run short distances (long distances require energy which could be put to better use such as collecting pets, stealing food, and otherwise causing trouble).  As a result, I've always enjoyed playing one particular game with my family:  "Come and Sit."  In this game, I sit at one end of the driveway and wait for my playmate to scream out "Rigby, come and sit."  Once the words are uttered, I set off at warp speed and sit at his or her feet (of course, it goes without saying that I only play this game when treats are involved).  Now, some might think that when a dog, such as myself, decides to play this game, his brain recognizes the command then tells his legs to move.  Well, I'm here to say that the entire process is actually far more complicated.

Step 1:  Hear the command to "come" and make the conscious decision to pretend that you didn't.

Step 2:  Laugh to yourself while your human begs and pleads with you to "come."  A word of caution:  while it is exceedingly fun to push your human to the point of crying and/or cursing, such tactics may ultimately cost you a cookie.

Step 3:  Decide that you've harassed your human enough.  You are ready to respond to the command.

Step 4:  Rear back slightly to maximize your eventual push of forward momentum.

Step 5:  Allow facial muscles to go limp.  Two things occur when you do this.  First, your jowls fly backward and up allowing everyone to see your sparkling white teeth (extra points if you've recently gotten a drink of water and your jowls are sopping wet).  Second, the skin around your eyes shifts to your forehead allowing the whites of your eyes to become about 50% more prominent.  The combination of these two facial rearrangements gives you a "crazy dog caught in a wind tunnel" expression.

Running with abandon.

Step 6:  Run with abandon.  While you bound toward your human like a runaway freight train, you will notice five things:
     1.  Your ears are flying forward, backward, up, and down with your gait.
     2.  Your jowls are flapping in the breeze (throwing spit everywhere).
     3.  Your front legs are, at times, behind your back legs.
     4.  All your feet occasionally leave the ground at the exact same time.
     5.  You're not entirely certain you can stop your forward momentum at will.

Step 7:  This is the moment where you must either stop, crash into your human, or skirt around him/her.  It is your choice, but realize that human knee cap on pointed dog skull is not necessarily the most ideal situation for anyone involved.  To avoid this bone on bone collision, try to sideswipe your human's knee causing the knee to buckle and him/her to crumple to the floor (be sure to smile, wag your tail, and act like it was all good fun).

Just before the crash!

Completely off the ground!

Step 8:  Collect your treat.