When Halloween Comes Early

I never realized it before a couple of days ago, but eastern Long Island appears to be the epicenter of all things scary. Yeah, I’ve been troubled by all the new species of wildlife I’ve encountered here (most notably fish that fall from the sky), but nothing compares with what I’ve most recently encountered.

All day Sunday I watched while the neighbors across the street scurried around their front yard, emptying boxes and putting up lights. Overall, I didn’t think much of their activity, they are always out and about tending their garden, and with the exception of the obligatory bark I shoot them every couple of minutes when they draw my attention, I basically ignore them.

Freddie Kruger

Cemetery King

Apparently, however, I should have paid them more attention during the day because, when darkness fell and I looked out the window, I was greeted by a truly frightening Halloween display complete with Draculas in coffins, Freddie Kruger mannequin, witches with cauldrons, tombstones, cemetery kings, scary creatures clawing their way out of the ground, and, scariest of all, one of those blow up balloon creatures (which are frightening even when they are caricatures of someone as harmless as Santa Claus…watching them inflate from a scary plastic puddle on the ground to a large menacing plastic creature is truly terrifying). And I mustn’t forget the sound effects! Now, whenever I go outside I am surrounded by the sound of mournful wails and blood curdling screams. Let’s just say, this turn of events makes going outside to do my business a less than pleasant experience.

And does it get any less scary by day? Not one bit! In fact, it might even be scarier. Every time I look out my window—you know, the window from which I keep tabs on the squirrel population—I see this…

Scary Witch

Not to be outdone, my family decided to put up their own Halloween decorations. Great! Now every morning, I must defend my household from the scary witch in the window as well as from Dracula across the street! And this morning, I was so preoccupied with the witch that I didn’t even notice when Pa pulled his car into the driveway after returning home from the local deli. Let’s just say, when he walked through the door, I was one hundred percent sure that Freddie was coming in after me (so I barked menacingly).

But the horror didn’t end there.

On Monday afternoon, Ma asked me if I’d like to go outside. Being the obliging dog that I am, I jumped up off my pillow and scurried to the door. Out the door we went and, upon setting foot on the porch, I saw, far off in the distance and all the way across the yard, a squirrel moseying across the grass.

Now, as my loyal readers know, I do not tolerate squirrels meandering across my yard. Lately, however, I’ve had to be extra vigilant. You see, the mole population, after a quiet spring and summer, has returned to my property with a vengeance. Since I’m well aware that no good comes from fighting two fronts simultaneously, I’ve decided that I have to be extra strict with the squirrels to ensure that they do not become too comfortable.

Anyway, down the stairs I ran, barking furiously at the squirrel who was still brazenly gallivanting around my backyard. When I reached the foot of the stairs, however, the threat that the squirrel posed suddenly dissipated. I had come face to face with a far more menacing foe and, after jumping about ten feet into the air, I showed it who was boss with my loudest and most menacing bark yet.

Sure, four plastic Adirondack chairs stacked in two piles might not seem scary, but when you’re not expecting them and they are lurking just out of view, ready to spring out at you when you innocently come down the stairs, well, let’s just say anyone would have had the reaction I had.

After all the Draculas, witches, and chairs I’ve dealt with these last couple of days, I kind of miss the simpler less frightening days of fish falling from the skies.