A Lesson Learned

We all have our limitations.  Squirrels are stupid and will never learn to keep out of my yard, human kneecaps will never bend the opposite direction no matter how hard I slam my skull up against them, and I am not capable of barking from every imaginable position.

I discovered my limitation a few days ago when I was lying on the living room floor, belly up to the sky, enjoying a belly rub from Ma.  All of a sudden, my pure bliss was interrupted by the sound of a car door slamming.  Now, being the inquisitive pup that I am (who happens to take his job as Head of Security very seriously), I immediately decided that I was going to have to give this potential threat the “Rigby Treatment” (AKA bark hysterically at it).  Simultaneously, however, I also concluded that I really didn’t want to give up on my belly rub.

So, I decided to do both; I decided to bark while lying on my back.  I took a deep breath and let out what was going to be my most ferocious bark to date.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work out quite how I expected it.  Instead of my loud, manly bark, what issued from my lips was an airy “woof” followed by a barrage of gasps and coughs.  Choking on my own tongue and drool and fearful of losing my breakfast to one of the coughs, I began to try to right myself on my feet.  That too did not work out quite as I expected.  You see, it seems that as difficult as it is to bark while on one’s back, getting up from lying on one’s back while choking is even more difficult.

Eventually I prevailed and managed to stop choking (and, happily, did not lose my breakfast).  Fortunately, the slamming car door that started this unfortunate series of events did not prove to be the threat I initially thought it would be.  Unfortunately, however, I imagine it will be a long time before my family lets me live down the whole incident.