A Cruel Bunny

So, here's the good news. This post is not about Stumpy, that stupid little half-bunny half-squirrel freak who taunts me by storing leftover bread on my windowsills. No, today's post is about a stupid little fluffy tailed bunny who mocked me unmercifully last weekend.

It was early evening and I was outside with Pa for my post-supper business trip/check of the perimeter. I wandered up and down the fence connecting my property and Bruno's (sadly, he wasn't home), scanned the front yard through the fence for deer (none), and gave a mighty bark to alert the neighborhood dogs of my presence (a high-pitched bark from a block over answered my call). With the perimeter seemingly secure, I started toward the back corner of the yard to my designated business area, but stopped after a few feet when a sudden movement caught my eye. There, in the middle of the grass, about twenty-five feet away from me, was a stupid little bunny staring back at me with his stupid little unblinking glass marble-like eyes.

As my loyal readers know, I couldn’t, in good faith, allow this interloper to brazenly ignore the boundaries of my property. I had to chase him away. Immediately, I started running toward the stupid little bunny and that stupid little bunny turned his stupid little fluffy bunny tail and made a mad dash for the back fence. He chose poorly, however. The area of the fence he fled to lacked an escape hole out of the yard.

Realizing he had no way out, the stupid little bunny turned 90 degrees and started running back into the yard toward the direction of the front gate. I made the turn as well and followed after him. It was after I made the turn, however, that the bunny realized something. He was easily outpacing me.

Now, I need to interrupt my story for a moment to set the record straight. First, the stupid little bunny had a rather large head start on me. Second, I’m good for quick sprints. Ten to twenty feet and I’m a rock star. This particular chase turned out to be more than twenty feet and I had already run up and down the stairs from the house to the backyard numerous times that day. Third, turning on a dime is not really my forte—Newton's First Law and all.

Anyway, so rather than just run away, the stupid little bunny decided to taunt me. He purposely started running in large looping zigs and zags--zigs and zags meant to give me the opportunity to catch up.

Eventually, the stupid little bunny escaped out the front gate and I spent a fair amount of time barking at him through the fence and between running-induced gasps. He was out of my yard, but the damage was done. How offensive he was! How utterly offensive!

So, if there were any readers out there who have, throughout the years, secretly felt sorry for all those stupid little bunnies, squirrels, lizards, robins, and cats I’ve chased out of my yard, I hope you finally realize how mean they can be. They deserve to be chased out of my yard, especially if they decide to mock me on my own turf.