The Hole

I don't like having my ears cleaned.

Wait, allow me to expand on that thought:  I really, really don't like having my ears cleaned.

Think about it from my perspective!  There you are, lying quietly on the floor dreaming about chasing bunnies, and lizards, and squirrels, when all of a sudden, someone jumps on you, pours a stinky liquid in your ears, sloshes it around, then starts fishing gunk out with a cotton ball (sorry for the graphic nature of this description, but the truth had to be told).  And, if that wasn't bad enough, the person cleaning your ears is seemingly oblivious to the fact that you are shaking like a leaf and thinks that half of a slice of American cheese is compensation enough for all the pain and suffering you've endured.  But it gets worse!  The final sentence uttered is always "See, that wasn't so bad."  Yeah, it kind of was!

Well, a couple of days ago I had the misfortune of having my ears cleaned.  It was everything I expected:  it was dreadful!  But, while I dragged my head along the living room floor howling in protest of what had just happened to me, it occurred to me that my yelps were falling on deaf ears.  In fact, I realized that they had been for quite a long while now.  I decided right then and there that it was time to ramp up my displays of displeasure.  For people to notice that I was annoyed, I was going to have to go big.

My opportunity came a little while later when I was let outside to do one last check of the perimeters for the evening.  All by myself in the dark, I allowed my scheming mind to wonder, and, after a surprisingly short amount of time (what can I say, I'm good at what I do), I came up with the perfect way to show my displeasure at having my ears cleaned.

Quietly I slunk to the side of the property--to the grassy patch right outside the side door.  True, it was risky to be mischievous so close to the house, but the location of my crime was just far enough away from the side door to avoid being lit by the gleaming porch light.  I took one last cautionary look over my shoulder at the door, then began digging furiously.

The grass came up easy, as did the dirt.  In no time at all I had created an impressive hole; a hole which I immediately plowed my head into and rubbed my stinky liquid filled ears against.

By the time Ma and Pa found me, my head was complete caked in mud.

Maybe next time they'll think twice about cleaning my ears!